Dear Seeker of Success,
Do you stop the Sarge too early?
Was she giving you THIS look – yet you threw in the towel?
Do you interpret (or choose to interpret) a woman’s seeming disinterest as a cue to Exit, Stage Left without even going through with the audition?
Does one Sarge gone bad sabotage the next Sarge even before it gets started?
A great example of this can be found inside this student’s Sarge report:
I was on my way to a shopping centre and I approached this girl who I found appealing. Shortly after I began talking to her, like after two sentences, she asked me if I was Brazilian. I said I wasn’t Brazilian as she thought I was and I kept doing fluff talk. Soon the bus was on its way and said to me: “Sorry my bus is here”
I may have taken it the wrong way, as in her excuse. I told her that this is also my bus and I’m going to XYZ. She said nothing so after I put my ticket into the machine I sat in the back. She uttered something as I walked away but I did not care, I thought the sarge was over and there was not any sign, that I noticed, that she wanted to keep talking to me.
I think it was my state, I was upset and confused in the moment by another girl who had not replied to my message about when she is free again.
RJ here, with a guiding principle that will help with almost any sarging situation.
The principle is:
Don’t Insist, But Don’t Back Down
If a sarge goes differently than you had wanted….so what? NEVER insist on any outcome.
On the other hand, don’t back down from giving it your very best shot.
It sounds in your case like you let the last “sarge” bleed into the most current.
Don’t do that either.
Once you’ve done your best shot, you’ve given it a brief review for possible improvements AND seen what you’ve done right, you’ve got to put it out of your mind.
You’ve put your bet on your horse, the race is on, no point worrying about it now.
The results will be up on the board shortly anyway.
And the next race is just that – the NEXT (as in a different) race.
Reset….refocus….and most importantly:
GROUND INTO YOUR BODY
Breath from a soft belly, feel your feet on the ground, take in a deep breath and soften your focus of vision.
The “ego”…and by that your FIXED patterns of thinking and your rigid demands of how things SHOULD BE simply cannot operate when you slide into this body centered state.
Be like water, my friend.
Peace,
RJ
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Learn how to get past years (not just days) of stuck points, self-sabotage and just plain ignorance of what really works – with no force, no pain, and no struggle!
The fact that it’s an “audition” is what causes me the most fear and hesitation in the first place.
Which is why you must flip the script. Don’t let yourself be “interviewed”. Get her to tell you. Get her to hand you the keys to the door.
Things like that can happend. You try meeting a girl, and she just doesn’t seem to flow with it. I always like to recall Ross’s saying “Invest in the SKILLS, not THIS woman”.
One thing I noticed though, was that you said “fluff talk”. Fluff talk, in my experience, is part of a very inefficient autopilot. Based on the mindset of “I just have to keep talking”. When you think like that, it makes your mouth just say whatever comes up, instead of focusing on the EMOTIONS and FEELINGS you want her to feel, which are what will actually bring you the results.
Thinking “I just have to keep talking” will make your result come and go merely based on luck, and more than often you will actually say things that will turn her down. Based on my experience..
What you have to remember is if you come up to a woman and just start laying patterns on her, expecting her to follow your pre-determined path, that won’t work, either.
“Fluff talk” needs to be strategic – you’re gaining intel based on her responses. You’re looking for her “trance words” in her responses.
Everything is for a reason.