Dear Speed Seduction® Master-In-Training,
Ever heard the term “woman hater”? It’s the first thing that comes to mind when I relate this story about a student of mine:
The problem: he was prone to use terms like bit*h, sl*t, and who*e (without the astericks of course) when talking about (and sometimes TO) women. It’s like showing a sign of hate toward them.
I called him on it, and he explained it as a “love-hate” thing – he disliked women, but he loved them even more. He was trying to figure out where the dislike comes that led them to use these bad words in describing them.
He used to have a girlfriend (for over 3 years) and he would call her a “fat sl*t” all the time. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, she gained a lot of weight… and also cheated on him. My student “got even” (as he put it) when she called him one morning and another woman (who had stayed the night with him) picked up and told her never to call him again.
So the bottom line: he didn’t want to have this feeling of bit*h, sl*t, and who*e, etc. with women. Instead, he wanted a “better vision” when it came to approaching women.
Here’s What You’re Probably REALLY
So Angry About
If this student’s tale is something YOU can relate to, STOP beating yourself up and LISTEN to what I’m about to say.
First, foremost, uppermost, and important-most: the past isn’t who you are and it isn’t what you deserve.
I’ve always held that once you completely let go of whatever makes you angry at women, you’ll find that deep down inside there is a fear of rejection.
I’m not normally a betting man, but I’ll wager that as you meet good, quality women, you will realize that whatever happened between you and your ex (or any other women you’ve been mean to in the past) really wasn’t a big deal, at least not in the “grand scheme.”
It was a mistake or a misunderstanding between two people and there is no reason to hold it against yourself or anyone else. So you did wrong – accept it, respect it, LEARN FROM IT.
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. The key is to take any and all confusion, frustration, and stuckness you’ve ever experienced with women, and convert it to pure, immediately usable learning, so you can bounce right back, and automatically do things right with the next woman. Click here to learn how to go about this…
“He used to have a girlfriend (for over 3 years) and he would call her a “fat sl*t” all the time. Like a self-fulfilling prophecy, she gained a lot of weight… and also cheated on him. My student “got even” (as he put it) when she called him one morning and another woman (who had stayed the night with him) picked up and told her never to call him again.”
That’s just plain sadistic and sociopathic
As mark cunngham, and david shade mention…both men and women really need to screen…look for signs of disrespect, lying, rage, manipulation.
And as Rj has said, it’s not your job to change a person either..give them a warning calmly and a second chance.
I have heard of to many stories of both abusive men and women in relationships..be aware of the warning signs
Absolutely correct.. I know from past experiences that some women are messed up.. Also just because some of the women I had the misfortune of experiencing negativity with, does not nor should it make me hate other women. After all it is not “her fault” that the other one was bad.
Really I have learned to use those bad experiences to evaluate and screen the personalities of a potential new lady. If the new prospect is exibiting too many of the traits from the bad ones I met? I simply move on, no need to hate all women. I very much love women and enjoy their company, sometimes though I remind myself to truly ask myself what it is that I want from a specific woman before I start the seduction process i.e. love?, L.T.R? Romance or some passionate times whether short term or long term.
No need to hate women for the few that didnt work, just move on to something new. 😉
As is often the case, you are spot-on Ross.
i can totally relate to this for ages i distanced myself from all women because of a bad break-up(she cheated on me)and it was my first relationship. Anyways for a while i thought all women were like that so i stopped dating for 2 years because i was mentally thinking well all women are like that, but i had to get myself out of that mindset otherwise id be alone and miserable for the rest of my life
Hey, wait a minute Ross. What makes you think you have the right to tell everyone my life’s story. Laugh-Out-Loud.
I agree 100% with what you are saying.
I think that a large part of being a “natural” is that your early interactions with women go well, so the good feelings that go with good relationships out weigh the bad feelings of rejection, leading a “natural” to go out an find more of the good stuff. All well an good.
The rest of us have to build that for ourselves an how on earth can we do that ?
I’ve spent a small fortune on products, meditated, done affirmations till I’m sick of hearing myself and even attended one of your seminars but I can’t find a way to break out of this catch 22. I know why my interactions with women don’t go the way I’d like.
Women don’t like me so I don’t like them so they don’t like me so I don’t like them…..Repeat to fade.
I’d be very interested in you’re comments.
Thanks, Sean.
Well, now you have touched kind of a nerve with me.
I guess my ‘problem’ with women is that I believe that once you have a relationship that seems to be stable and they have you hooked, then they are going to plant those tentacles to try and then try to control you.
Now, I enjoy my freedoms and the last thing I want is to be controlled by any chick, so I keep a few close at hand; but not ‘too close. It seems to work out, never lying to them, and having long term relationships that have developed deeper meaning. However, they know and I know that if I found one that I considered awesome, I would dump them in a phone call right away. I suspect allot of guys are like that. I think it is polymory, but I have not looked into that.
I told this one chick about it and she was so pissed and shouted at me in a crowded bar. I think I struck a nerve because women don’t like guys that have ‘choice and are suprised when guys excercize thier right to ‘shop the field. Guys know that women share every detail of thier intimate relationships with thier girlfriends and will collectively decide whether he measures up to her. Unfortunately, guys don’t. They just are happy to have a piece.
So, lastly, and I appologize this for going to too long. More needs to be discussed as to how to deal with Bitches, because my friends; they are planning to get stronger (see .braveheart.com, etc).
Ok,
Dave
Actually, I think that is .BraveheartWomen.com
I’m going to do a separate blog post on this, but I think one issue many men have is “globally” embracing a woman who shows them any kind of positive attention or interest.
What do I mean by “globally” embrace?
I mean opening totally to that woman, being willing to give her anything, only feeling drawn to her and only admiring her, not seeing any flaws or warning flags etc.
I’ll do a post on this topic as it is very important and something I’ve noticed in students.
Ok have no problem when men use discernment it picking a life mate. I think it is important to pick a wife or husband very carefully. I think however the big issue is both genders are ” Too Hot in The Ass” a black expression that indicates people are in a Big hurry to have Sex.
When you are so focused on getting a piece, you are going miss sudtle signs that indicate a lack of character. May People are so needy that will often ignore big Clues that the person they are interested in is not all she or he appears to be.
Playing the field remember playing on monkey bars as a kid and how you would swing from one bar to next,but the most difficult move was to let go of the bar you were holding Before you grabed the next bar. Most of the time if you timed it right and were confident you could use both hands to catch the next bar WithOut Falling to the Ground. Remember how the other kids would cheer when some one made it. Remember how they would help you up if you fell and hit the ground. The monkey baRS TAUGHT US hOW TO PUT IT ALL ON THE LINE, THAT LEAP OF FAITH, COURAGE TO JUMP AND FACE THE POSSIABLITY OF fAILURE !!!! I am not yelling, just caping my bigest point. Playing the field is an act of fear, string some one else along so you don’t have to handle being alone and celebate. There are great lessons to be learned about oneself when we are alone we learn or strenghts and our flaws.
Basically don’t be afraid yes it hurts when we risk ourselves, when we have no plan b or back-up lover but is that the kind of person you really want to be?
Some one that uses others and lets others use them. I mean that doesn’t sound like something you do if you respect yourself. It also shows a lack of care and respect for others.
People May Say that it’s ok to drop them on the spot but i bet it not easy to be dumped because some one else found ” The One”. While you got to be “The one that was Good Enough until they found someone they wanted more.”
It seems a very hateful and selfish way to date others. I have seen both genders do this and it is wrong and disgusting so No I don’t think playing the field is just using your “Choices” it just using others until they no longer are convient for you, and you find someone that suits your needs better.
Hey Ross,
I’m a little disappointed in this blog post. I’ve followed your work for years (remember being on Donahue?). You always seem to get to the root cause of the matter. I think you may have missed something here. Although fear of rejection is part of it, I’ve done a lot of soul searching over the years and have concluded that most of my tendencies for feeling dislike or anger towards women have to do with one emotion: Envy! (No, I don’t desire to menstruate) I think men envy the sexual power that women have. A power women can use to control men. Also evidenced in their ability to procreate and know with absolute 100% certainty that the child belongs to them.
I believe this envy can be seen to manifest itself as rape or physical or emotional abuse towards women in our culture. I would also site as evidence for this, examples from other cultures, such as the burqa, or the practice of female genital mutilation.
This envy is perceived as an ‘imbalance of power’ (at least for me), after all ‘what do men (I) have to offer women that can possibly equal what women have to offer men (me)?’ (when status, money or genetics are excluded)
My realization that my negative feelings for women are derived from envy has helped me to dispel them to a significant degree. This, for me, serves to further support this line of thinking.
I am, as always, looking forward to your future blog posts.
-tc
Euuuuwwww. Dave is a pig.Seriously my pussy just went dry reading that drivel. Way to turn off women!