Contemplate these questions…

1) I think that comes from social conditioning which is that i do not want anyone to see me get rejected or have a woman or group of women I am interacting with say something negative like I am weird, strange or whatever

2) Women often say they want a confident guy. I often see what happens when a more confident guy approaches a woman vs one who is less sure of himself. Women always say they want a confident guy or at least one who is “Comfortable in his own skin” which I suppose is interesting because being ‘comfortable’ does not necessarily mean super confident

Mark B

It’s funny you ask because I was just ‘coaching’ myself through this same misconception while debating whether or not I should use a pattern on this 23-year old blonde, former college cheerleader. I didn’t elicit the response I was hoping for (flushed face, fidgeting in her seat etc) but after getting over the initial nerves I now feel determined to keep test running patterns/behaviors until I get something I can anchor.
BTW – minor praise report – after going nearly two years with nothing more than making out with a girl or two, I fucked two different chicks in one week last week and got blow jobs from both. I think I might be on to something 😉

I PERSONALLY FEEL THAT THE RESULT OF PERFECTION VARIES IN PERCEPTION FROM PERSON TO PERSON.THE RESULT THAT I CONSIDER TO BE PERFECT MAY NOT NECESSARILY BE PERFECT FOR ANOTHER SEDUCER…1)CREATIVITY WITH A LOVE FOR THE UNKNOWN IS THE KEY.2)A BIT OF LACK OF CONFIDENCE IS ABSOLUTELY NORMAL,THERES NOTHING WRONG IN IT..PRACTICING REPEATEDLY TO ATTAIN CONFIDENCE WILL BUILD UP A TREMENDOUS CONFIDENCE.

Hey RJ
Great questions! And they DO cut right to the heart of the delusion of being “stuck.” I’d re-enforce until it “clicks” inside that your beliefs aren’t real. . . They’re just beliefs. They’re either useful at that specific time, location, context, etc. And when acted on produce the outcome you actually want. . . Or they don’t. If you’re that focused on the “perfect” result, everything going on moves outside your conscious awareness. These are the very things you can utilize for the “perfect” results. You’re pre-framing your seduction interaction for failure, before you even begin to approach her. . . Just a observation from someone who been there, and has tripped over his own dick and self-imposed limiting beliefs in the past. . . Thomas.

1. If I waited until I was totally anything, then I would never do anything, especially with women.
Of course, what do I know, I am only 75 and still chasing.

2. You get this feeling from most of the sites that I visit and it sounds like a trait that I would appreciate.

Answer to first question: when the new behaviors are so different than the old ones it feels like wearing a Halloween costume at work in a regular day. We are afraid of public embarrassment and we are afraid of being seen behind the costume, maybe there is a possibility that the costume will get some results but at the moment we run out of them we have nothing else that could possibly work or match in our wardrobe. So these new behaviors better work good and fast before the spell of them is over. Is it a delusion sure… overcoming this delusion is easier than overcoming real tangible problems? I do not know.

Answer to 2nd question: Many of us started with these thanks to DavideAsshole, and he told us really a lot of times that it is impossible to to attract any girl without being super confident, that they are super tuned devices that will detect the tiniest bit of doubt and will be immediately turned off by that. Is it a delusion? sure…

Are these two delusions a big thing that is standing in our way of enjoying some amazing fulfillment with some remarkable ladies, yes but there are some other that are also very important.

on the first question I don’t have to have absolute certainty on the outcome, I like playing and being curious as to what type of result I will get when I am with people, sometimes I am playful just for the sake of being playful, sometimes I shift to a vibe with an intent, tho the intent is no sure guarantee of a result, eg, wednesday night out at karaoke with a girl I know, I was leaving, she got done singing I took her lightly by the arm and said, “walk with me” a little command, a little dominance, as we walked out to my car she remarked to the bartender, “I’m walking Tim out to his car cuz he’s too fucking hot to be left alone.” We get to my car, kissed a bit, and discussed some plans for next week. She could have just as easily stayed in the bar.

In the past I had felt I needed a certain lacking confidence, mostly brought on by ‘body issues’ from being obese, till I got hit in the face by it by one amazing, and amazingly hot girl, ‘would you shut up about it, I don’t fucking care, I love you exactly the way you are!’ It dawned on me, the only one for who it was a problem is me.

1. because I think it is how my brain in wired, to be certain before committing to action. Failing does not feel good, no matter how much you reframe it!
It is easier to try new behaviours in mass scale, when there are more than 1 person is involved to judge you, because eventually some people will like your approach and some don’t, thanks to statistics. But approaching a single woman, raises stakes so much high that messes up everything, while using an online dating profile is not that horrendous, coz they are MANY people and much more chances of acceptance.
2. By trying out! In my experience when I approach women shaking they either reject me (30% of time), or they feel sorry for me and try to be nice like pampering a baby, most of the time. which is not good either!

Thanks Ross. Even after having studied your material for almost three years now and having attended the Chicago seminar, I am still having some “ah ha” moments which just happened now.

So when women say they want a guy who is “comfortable in his own skin”, that is essentially what you’re teaching us when you talk about having equanimity and “stealth charisma”

Meaning we can show up super attractive without having to act like we own the place, being alpha, being over bearing or even being the best looking guy in the room etc…Looking forward to the new product and your 2012 schedule.
Mark B
Chicago

1) Where do you get the idea that you have to be totally certain of a perfect result before you can enjoy trying out behaviors that are totally new?

2) Where do you get the idea that women expect you to be totally confident and sure of yourself in order to feel attracted to you?

1) The idea comes from perfectionism, which is a form of procrastination. Every day is training day, and every conversation is another form of training, and therefore the pressure to “succeed” is off.

2) Many women are attracted to vulnerability and some women feel the need to “save” a bloke. A brief conversation about that sort of thing can elicit her world-view in that regard…especially the more curious about her you seem to be.

1) Where do you get the idea that you have to be totally certain of a perfect result before you can enjoy trying out behaviors that are totally new?

I think that it comes from sitting on my ass and comfortably doing the same thing over and over again.
It’s hard to change or at least we believe that it is, so we keep doing the same things that were so good at.
I’ve spoken to a guy who went to a PUA bootcamp 3 years ago here in Israel that was complaining how “women had more rights than men”, I asked if he was talking about marriage and he said no our rights to fuck them, “they’re taking away our rights to fuck away from us”. This confused me so I watched what he did and every time he would talk to a woman he would be very rude and repel any normal woman away from him.

The guy would of course would say that she is being rude to him, his being rude or rather the techniques that he learned 3 years ago, a warped Israeli version of Negging, worked for him probably worked on one or two girls during the 3 years he had been using them and of course that probably means to him that they should work all the time.

As you’ve noticed his head is so far up his ass that his stomach acids are getting into his head through his ears and dissolving whatever is left of his brain.
Maybe it’s because we are so wrapped up in our own bullshit that we don’t see what works and are too afraid to try something new because of that feeling in our gut that we get when we think of trying some new thing during a conversation with a person.

Where do you get the idea that women expect you to be totally confident and sure of yourself in order to feel attracted to you?

Maybe it’s because of how people are portrayed in movies or, I know that I used to think that there is something wrong with me and that only if I “fix” it other people will respond to me better.

I knew a guy (different one this time) earlier this year that was far from perfect, he lived in a small apartment with a small living room and an even smaller bedroom with a couch being used as a bed because he couldn’t fit a real bed there.
He was pretty good with women, bragged about how he slept with 30 women in the last 5 years, I never saw the point of it.

Once he talked me into trying a threesome with a 30 year old woman (he was 23) he met on Odnoklassniki.ru (Russia’s version of Facebook), so I waited at his apartment like an idiot while he was a movie theater with her for 2 hours. So they came back to his house, he made up a story about how I was there to take care of his dog, this was starting to sound like the plot of some crappy porn movie.

For some reason he decided that the two of us should go outside while she would stay at his place, when he was in the house he seemed calm like he knew what he was doing but when we got outside it turned out that he was nervous and he wasn’t sure if anything will even happen, he behaved in a way that probably all guys who have trouble getting laid do but he acted anyway so that’s probably what would separate him from them.

Long story short I went home and he fucked her on his bed-couch and his dog probably got to watch, why didn’t I stay? because he’s an idiot, he didn’t even know what he was doing even though he was good at pretending. I waited for an extra 2 hours before I left which is when I realized I’m wasting my time.

So no there’s no need to actually BE confident, you can pretend.

Is it possible that both of these ideas are delusions with no basis in fact?

It’s a possibility, being aware of the fact that these are delusions is in my experience not enough.

Well that’s what I think.

-Oleg

Jeez, Guru…where do you get the idea that your unhorny, spaced-out old ‘uncle’ has anything like THAT going for him? Against, I mean.

As it is I have to keep myself faithful and clean because Jeez is coming soon, and if I even go to the yogurt shop or the health food store some college hottie falls on her knees as soon as I “Blammo” her…it’s automatic, now…and then, fuck…the weekend’s shot, I can’t go fishing.

I actually had one girl in her thirties buy me dinner at the best place in town last week, because I wanted to put off giving her what she wanted…and she’s OK…8 or 9, I suppose…but you know, there’s only so much a guy can put up with.

I’m thinking of maybe starting a service, I meet them and warm them up and the AFC who pays me gets to come in, wear a rubber mask of me and do the f***ing.

1) Where do you get the idea that you have to be totally certain of a perfect result before you can enjoy trying out behaviors that are totally new?

2) Where do you get the idea that women expect you to be totally confident and sure of yourself in order to feel attracted to you?

Is it possible that both of these ideas are delusions with no basis in fact? And that these twin delusions-more than any special social skills-are what have been standing in your way of enjoying some amazing fulfillment with some remarkable ladies?

1. I believe I get this idea from building up the habit of not talking to the women who I find attractive. Many times I have been ignored by women in my classes and I feel that other women see this and also lose attraction for me or even become hostile. Normally, when I cold approach women they respond to me in a positive way, but not when I game in a social circle. Because I have had these experiences it seems like I am scared to take a step forward when going for that girl that I really want. I also feel embarrassed to talk to really attractive women sometimes because I feel like it will get awkward or they will become uncomfortable and because I think this way, they usually do. It’s hard to get myself to calm down and when I try to meditate and work on inner game, I can’t get myself into a groove of doing it every day, even if I want to, I lose the motivation and energy to do it. This seems to be the reason I procrastinate and wait on sharing intimate moments with women. Because I feel like if every little detail of what I do and say isn’t fit together in the most perfect way, she will lose interest and become uncomfortable with me.

2. I get this idea because normally I am the observer, I watch the other guys get all of the hottest women and I get so frustrated and angry because I can’t tell what they are doing and I don’t know why the girls are attracted to these guys. Since I don’t know why the girls like them or what they are doing to build interest in the girls for themselves, I assume they have something I don’t. And since I don’t know what it is that I don’t have that they do, it reinforces the belief that I can’t get those or better results consistently with really hot women. This makes me feel like I am at a loss because I start to think that confidence is the key thing that I need and I don’t have it, which makes me feel uncomfortable in social situations.

I am aware that the cause to my problems is limiting beliefs and self sabotage. It’s just hard to get myself to do anything about it because my regular every day habits keep dragging me down. These ideas that are lodged into my mind obviously have no foundation and are intangible, but nonetheless, up until now, they have been some of the main things holding me back.

I think both questions are usefull if i compare it to my actions it doesn’t matter if my new behaviour is going to fail its fun trying out something new. and the second part is that i feel that women are still attracted to me even if im not the perfect self image of me, because i feel that its only a few things that need to be changed to be perceived as attractive in the eye of the beholder for me its not caring about what they are going to think about me and what I think about myself which is of course the belief that i’m the Best.

Peyote

yes !i think you are right ,you must go and try to pick up women eather you are not shure that will end with a good result ,the problem is what should i cling that demonstrates to me i am going forvard not backword ,that my aproch will be positive .
To be confident i know how i have to do it maybe not in the way all the girls will whant me to be but i try my best ,all i whant to say is that there is a fight with yourself to overcome all the old belifs and the behaviors you are used to do . Thank you !

Hi Ross!! (Or should I call you Usul? ;] )

1) For me, I think the expectation or perceived possibility of failure in an emotionally charged area of life can stifle what I give myself permission to try out, especially if a less than perfect outcome can be embarrassing or painful, and not taking action leads to little repercussion. Kind of like doing a dangerous sport.

With approaching women, it’s not that I have to know that for certain I will get a specific outcome, for me it has been, up until now, often my experience that women will more likely respond with a lack of interest and/or distaste when approached. Not every time of course, but it’s those moments that stand out in mind more and can cause me to doubt whether I should approach, because those images and feeling are thrown up in my face when I consider going to go see what happens. I don’t like bothering people, and over time it just has seemed like approaching women = bothering them. It doesn’t always stop me, but many times it does and is nearly impossible to overcome when it is strong.

2) I have always heard that confidence is what women want most in men, which presupposes they don’t want someone who lacks confidence. I have also heard many times that women can pick up fears and insecurities instinctively and it turns them off. But I think the biggest one is trust in myself to be able to handle whatever comes up. If I’m not feeling confident in myself, I feel as though it is going to be difficult to interact with a beautiful girl who very likely has many confident guys she talks to and who approach her.

1) I didn’t get the idea, it is just in my nature to only try out stuff after im certain that I ll succeed. I also know that I have to stop doing this and boost my acceptance confidence. However, this is easier to say than to do.

2)Well, I don’t think that I have this problem, but I might know where people get this belief: they try to pick up a woman and fail, so they assume that there is something missing in their “game”.

Regards, mestrinhomelo

I think women like vulnerability, so long as it’s positive: a man who goes in and fails but with a smile on his face can be far more interesting to them than some glum, lifeless ‘winner’.

What really turns them off with a man though is a complete failure to take a social risk. That is a killer for them. You have to be willing to get in there, nerves and all. They respect that.

1) I think it’s from the way you present your material (no offense). The way you present it, it seems SS works 100% of the time and can control 100% of a women’s process.

So I guess it kind of remove the fun of discovering that it doesn’t work all the time. I guess nobody would like in their right mind to be 100% sure that it will work all the time, it’s just an irrational thought that pops up to defend the fact that a person think of himself deep inside as godlike perfect and infallible.

The reality is that it’s much more interesting to try something if you know it might not work (the dopamine addiction), just like in casinos, the fact that you lose sometime makes you much more addict to playing the game than knowing you will win all the time.

Most people live in a virtual “perfectly clean” reality where everything is as they wish/think/would like to be, most people prefer to live there than in the dirty real reality where there’s lots of unknowns and you must deal with half-baked stuff and non-perfect objects and subjects.

So I think the way you promote your material just feed your client’s illusions that SS must be always be a clean perfect tool for a clean perfect world, even though your liberal course’s structure and presentation obviously shows a more organic, free and unperfect approach. 😉

2) I guess this one comes from the vast majority of models of effective seducers we have from virtually everywhere.

Anyway, those are my two cents for what they’re worth 😉

I’m still a virgin in your program but I learned so much from your program and social life in general has improved greatly. Still I’m determined to use theses word patterns and routines. I guess my biggest stuck point is developing a co-ordinated game plan so that my brain stays on track and I don’t blow out myself. For me right now the girls reaction is secondary, I just want sound understandable to the person I’m talking to..

Hi Ross

Here are my views

1) “Keeping face” but recently I strongly believe and realise (after a long while) that no-one cares. For example I was on my way to university a few days ago and I went for a girl that I had found appealing. To my surprise and slight confusion she had gazed at me with a wtf look and walked away. Now that has not happened before usually I receive more positive responses. So as I was contemplating with a flushed face what went on and how can I make it better, after I turn around to see a random guy in the distance giving me the nod as if to say “Its ok bro, you done well anyway” and I looked around also and no-one really cared. Quite the fortunate situation if they did care and mocked I would of been pissed for a bit. Plus there are more women out there who so next..

2) Loud mouths and big mouths I see at times then again there is no proof that they are into them and instead they are in the friend zone hoping to get a boob grap come photo time. Also at sometime times (not all the time) its ok to be a little bashful girls think its cute ;). Also speaking of confidence there are times when sarging where if a girl’s behaviour is making me feel uncomfortable and unwelcome I walk off. For instance I was doing a pattern and she said oh that is a bit extreme and added that she half listening to me because she was distracted by the baby in the distance and when she said so you where saying something about your friend? I said yea my friend and I ended it there. If there was a misunderstanding I will learn from it and yea she was pissed that I ditched her in the train at peak hour and was playing with her hair. Oh well skirt you had your chance..

if you express any thoughts about all this I will be totally excited Ross 🙂

PS: One time I spent $3 on coffee and two weeks after she was in my room experience pleasurable pleasure from me. And here is to many more experiences like this to me 😀

I’m a 5’1″ tall male, and my comments on Ross’ #1 and #2 above are simple: it’s related to height. I’m the epitome of the AFC; and it’s all driven by my height. What I have found, time and time again, is that women prefer taller men, no matter what. No matter what behaviors I try, or how much confidence I show, or how much I lead a women’s imagination, or how fun loving I am, there’s always some other guy that is taller, who immediately steals the attention away, almost effortlessly. I’ve come to the conclusion that women require height. Height is like a step function: if you have it, then you can play in the seduction world. And if you don’t, you’re missing the prerequisite. Ross, of all the seduction stuff out there, I like yours the best – BY FAR. But I still can’t seem to get over the height issue. Any ideas?

1.) I do not think the “behaviors” you are talking about are for every type of person. Being lets say… a non-physically attractive dude, I can go up to a girl and say “Hi” and she runs away screaming. When I was younger (and stupider) I would try out stuff all the time, and well, one day I lost my job doing it, granted I was doing it wrong (all my fault), but if you are already close to what a girl is looking for, then you have a much better chance with ANY method you use. So if some of the guys out there are afraid to approach with pattern x or y, I know that fear.

2.) I don’t, different women are attracted to different things.

To disqualify myself, I have not “gotten laid” in years, I have given up on all forms of pick up or even dating at this point, but Ross is an amusing fellow, so I follow his stuff as I get time.

1I myself was recently contemplating this. I do believe it has to do with social programming in particularly from Television and Movies, where firstly everything fits a perfect mold and “feels just right” or there are “perfect moments” and secondly in these idiotic portrayals when a guy gets “rejected” he is reprimanded socially and is an outcast.this has been my stuck point Ross any product recommendations?

2. This also has to do with bad social programming. your AFC friends will say “what do you need SS for? Just be confident. That’s all you gotta do is be confident, and it will just happen”

Great questions,
I’m older then most here, but looking back at when I was successful with women,it wasn’t confidence. It was attitude. The attitude was simple,I was authentic and I didn’t care what anyone thought.
I was naturally relaxed and comfortable in my own skin. Looking back I attracted some great women. It’s easy to talk and play with women in that state.
Thanks for the question
It’s that perfection shit I’ve picked up since then that seems to get in the way.

In you book Secrets of Speed Seduction you talk about being grounded not amped up like some Tony Robbins falsely screaming crazy. I picked up this book for that reason, after being widowed I needed to find women again. And found out I was doing it all wrong. But after reading and going over your book ( sorry haven’t gotten to your 3.0 series yet)I used the advice just to relax and some of the lines you suggest. And have had GREAT results I haven’t used the pattern you give in the book. I have a ton of fun using one you do on youtube where you talk about vivid imagination. I get any response from sure right to women walking away and coming back all red asking if I really think so. My point from all of this. I do not let woman dictate how my behavior is to be I either go ahead or just say not worth it. Thanks Ross oh yeah sorry I’m 55 years old and am more relaxed talking to woman than I have ever been.

1) nobody says you have to be totally certain in order to try something new. Do you really have to do survey and see how well this tactic works? Women and men alike, they are humans and are not, mathematical questions to be solved with certain method (s). You can always try new stuff as and when you like and see how they other party respond. You will be able to sense it if he/she enjoys it.
Enjoying, continue, but not get to carried away.
Not enjoying, back to a style that suits you best, which is the genuine you. If you are looking for a “backup” style that will cushion you whenever you are out to try new stuff and did not work, then wouldn’t live be so simple and boring? You should not worry too much. No theories, more confidence. Present yourself and REALLY enjoy yourself when doing it.

2) when women say that they want a confident man and sure of themselves, they mean it. Not in the sense that you really have to fully know what you want in life blah, because 90‰ of the time, they don’t even know what they want and they enjoy being lead on by the guys. Especially those men telling them stories and theories that they like. For the minorities, which are the remaining 10% or so, the more brainy ad snobbish kind of women. They are more full of themselves. However, getting logical enough to beat them at their own game (or their topic of choice which they think they are good at, but usually not) will always give you an upper hand, but you still have to agree to her on some occasions and create some laughter.

So, pretty much hard for you to screw up unless you are someone who doesn’t know/enjoy conversations, with new people especially. As long as you make the effort, even if you don’t beat them at their own game, you can always deviate and link to something you are good at and make everything lighter and of course, yourself look more confident.

These questions, easy and short as it seem, but not that easy as it implicates many other aspects. From experience and to your self-esteem.

Bye bye!

Wow, thats a great question Ross.
I will absolutley not deny, taht I have had exactly these problems with women (and life in general) before starting to learn the concepts you have developed. Acctually the previous statment is not completley true, as I have been studying your concepts since 2007, and achieved a major breaktrough just this year at the London seminar. But since than, meeting and seducing women is such fun… and it really isn’t about the result in seducing a particular woman as it is to just enjoy the proces of meeting a lovely looking lady. In some cases, thats all they are, just nice looking… but when asked a question: When you really wanna relax and enjoy, what things do you most love to do… its amazingly scary that some people dont have an answer for that. Needles to say, taht than I don’t take my time for them
I don’t have any idea about from where those two concepts came in to my mind, but I sure am glad that now they are out for good! Probably this concepts come from the modern society and the global “marketing” mechanisms. In the last couple of months I have started to observe these misconseptions in the behaviours and tellings of my male friends. It’s almost creapy to feel such strong presence of them in their thinking. It is almost like a part of them.
This is making a modern society a really unstable, and I am deeply thankful that you have embarked on a mission to change this. For those ofcourse who are willing to take a step forward. Thank you.

I think speed seduction is amazing and I have taken certain aspects of it to enlighten my conversations with women. I have gotten some results but I could get more I know I could get more. In my experience, going into any conversation or interaction with a false sense of confidence or a belief that I have to be a certain way chokes my interactions with women for two reasons.

1. If I do not believe that the conversation is genuine, I’m not having fun.
2. If I’m just talking a scripted routine, I cannot totally believe in myself, and I’ll choke on the routine and lose the girl.

Also, Ross, you mention the importance of not “giving a fuck” sometimes. I have enacted this motto a lot and more often than not, I just focus on having fun, which has gotten me more numbers and success. However, I think I am not totally getting speed seduction. Some of it does not feel natural to me. I’m sure I’m not doing something correct.

—Henry

Best to you all,

Henry

Where do you get the idea that you have to be totally certain of a perfect result before you can enjoy trying out behaviors that are totally new? ( enjoy trying out behaviors that are totally new) is a command right?
A: from media,social condition,authority figures(parents,teachers),friends.
and I notice that …they are not happy, and they are stuck,frustrated,fearful,angry!
I also notice that why I need to take that idea and belief it and become one of those unhappy,misery ,frustrated people?
excellent questions, this question liberate me ..ha
ps: when you ask this question “Where do you get the idea that you have to be totally certain of a perfect result before you can enjoy trying out behaviors that are totally new?”
( enjoy trying out behaviors that are totally new) is a command right? ( I am learning patterns and I am train myself to sensitive command and suggestions..)
Where do you get the idea that women expect you to be totally confident and sure of yourself in order to feel attracted to you?
A :from media,movie..it seem that guy who are totally confident and sure of himself tend to have attractive women..
eg: James bond
but this is just my assumption..maybe it’s not true.

“everything is possible, but nothing is guarantee” – me

You know Ross, there’s this one 21 yr old chick I ran patterns a while back, she used to get all into it and she even had the doggy dinner bowl look but i never made a physical move on her…and now that you ask those two questions, I really don’t know the answer…It could be that we’ve always been under the impression of ‘What she’s gonna say” or “maybe she doesn’t want to kiss me” or whatever..but the point is that i came across this chick and for whatever reason I just cant even run a pattern on her…to even elicit a good response without thinking in the back of my head…”naw, maybe she’s fed up with me trying to pull something off that she just won’t go any further…my life would have been so different had made a move then..

I’d have to say from society,
the media, and most unfortuanate our parents.
I may of used to let those types of mind-fucking-energy stealing “cpu” viruses get me down, and NOW I live in a state of equanimity. For example tonight I went to a party and in mid pattern of twin brothers the woman I was doing it “with” said: That’s exactly how I feel about Tom=some guy was at the party, and as I anchored the value I was eliciting. I calmly asked, Oh are you guys together, she said no, were just seeing eachother…So eventhough this most likely “afc” kept coming to “check on her” I kept doing the pattern, not really caring what anyone thought about it, and when I was leaving not only did we exchange info she was super happy and invested in doing so.
NOW, keep in mind a few years ago, I would of maybe been scared thinking 1 of 2 things either 1: this dude’s gonna beat me up, or 2. this chick is gonna be creeped out, and all I thought is this woman obviously likes me, and I’m not sure
what’s going to happen, but I’m ok with that.
I’m sure I owe a lot of this to me coming to the belief that I’m the main course, and S.S. is the wonderful spice that adds flavor to the meal I call myself. I also owe much appreciation to Ross for same or changing/review/beliefs he inspired me to take on, and the fact that I have and choose to have the will to be consistant with these tools.

Peace Piece

Its about confidence. Not only rejection confidence, but like Ross says in his newsletter, if a man approaches a woman and is so amped up (usually from way to much personal sexual activity) that the strength of that feeling causes mind blank, then all the practice in the world wont get results.
becoming “unamped” does happen with experience, when you realise that all this time you have been looking at every woman in the same way and they dont all qualify for that. Since starting this, Ive seen that many are actually people I would never spend time with regardless of how good they look but I never knew that before, I assumed they were all perfect = amped up + low self esteem. SS isnt only a filter to select good women, its a filter to dump the bad ones quickly, and there are plenty out there.
So my humble (newbie) answer to the query is that the basis is on internal fact, which is as real as any external reality. The “totally certain of perfect results” is a grope at finding the courage to do something you know may work, like an aid to overcoming the amped up feelings which are based on fantasy and misinformation but very real. All the “excuses” (and I say that with respect, are left over debris from years of trying to solve a problem alone, and working on ideas that seem obvious but are very far from the truth.
Hope that makes sense, and thank you Ross, you are a complete genuis.

to add to that:
in fact when guys come up with all these “excuses” (for want of a better word) what they are really saying is “this is how far I have got with this problem belief or understanding – maybe you can help with it”. They see RJ as further down the line and this can mean to them that he has overcome their specific problem, so the reluctance for SS can come from a huge gamble involved in trying an absolutely knew approach which is unfamiliar – will this be worth the effort – I think it comes down to trusting that it will work in the end.

1- i say you don’t have to be certain that it’s gonna work to do it
u just have to improvise (too much improvise is like a woman with a dick”it sucks”) anyway improvise and do it.

2-that’s not the point of attraction u just have to combine your male energy with her feminime feelings and give her both combined in a way that she’ll be confortable sharing what she has in mind with you

1 Our mothers install a slavish metaprogram
2 Confidence doesn’t mean “I know everything will be ok”, this is only a useful (Alpha) projection: female limbic brain can’t intercept it as false but experience will change the map, Pua need to define failure as learning, handle frustration and rejection and other things to create a consistent program.

Confidence to me means “whatever is going to happen, I will be there”, it’s about my wonderful life (that smart girls love)

Two days ago I played as an effeminate insecure gay and I make half pattern, I saw F.I.M. working to my advantage… I think SS it’s about hacking and by-passing society rules
I was comparing your vibes with “Doc” switches: Dominance, Confidence, Humour, Genuineness… you think understanding is better than confidence or imply it?

I really can’t figure from where these ideas come. It’s something like, I can get a little attention from women with the behaviors I already have, and there is a fear of losing this little attention if I change something. Rationally, I know that it is stupid, but emotionally I can’t make myself any change.

1/ I think it is, for the most part, fear of embarrassment in front of her (other people) in case she “rejects” us. As I think of it more now, it is absurd indeed… How the hell can we even be thinking of something called “embarrassment” or “rejection”? It is actually win/win situation – either we successfully connect with her or we have a new experience to learn from.. 🙂

2/ From stupid movies, books, upbringing, educational system (with its deeply rooted system of punishing mistakes with bad grades etc…), that have been overwhelming us from the very beginning of our journey on this planet, in this society… Ergo from our ego that has been built up on this and now it fears to show its vulnerability and non-perfection that has always been there and is in contradiction to our illusory self-concept of an “absolutely vital bullet proof perfection in every situation”.

Two interesting questions with related answers.

The answer to the first question is PAIN and FEAR (IMO). We’ve all experienced the psychological pain of being rejected. And coming at an age when we’re hypersensitive to peer opinion, it doesn’t even have to be an overt putdown. A simple “You’re not my type” can feel humiliating when said in front of our friends. So we want some kind of “insurance policy” before we attempt to get on that horse again.

The second answer is similar. We may have been brought up to believe that we’re special and we can “do anything [we] set our minds to.” However, by our teens or early twenties we’ve learned that “You Can Do Anything” isn’t true most of the time. Add this to the general anxiety of adolescence (just when you’re allowed to make decisions, the choices turn from black-and-white to shades of grey) and all of us lose our absolute self-assurance. CONFIDENCE, when we encounter it in others, becomes very attractive. (As opposed to cockiness, which is a turnoff.) Ironically, it’s when we demonstrate our vulnerability by revealing that we DON’T always know what to do, that we can form our deepest connections to another person.

Getting the roght answer to these questions is fundamental to a lot more than just getting laid. As a man, I’ve got to be willing to take risks with my life, and thoase risks include accepting the uncertainty results of any action I might take. Ask yourself, “Do I expect to live forever?” Once I began to recognize that I was missing opportunities in every part of my life in exchange for the certainty of (mediocre) results, I stopped worrying about whether any paricular low-cost action might result in success. What’s the cost of a bad come-on? Most of the time, a slightly bruised ego. But the REAL, CONSISTENT RESULT is a woman that KNOWS I”M INTERESTED IN HER. After that, it’s less a game and more “a go” at coupling. Not every attempt must end in success. I don’t have to get laid every single day if when I do get laid, it’s a marvelous, satisfying experience with a high chance of recurrence. After all, there’s more to life than sex, so don’t get hung up on “scoring” on any particular night. We’re all out there seeking a woman that get’s us. If she isn’t a good match – no matter how hot her ass – what’s the point? Revel in your victories, learn from defeat, hone your skills, be prepared for the next opportunity.

Re #1: I don’t. But if I can recall the feeling of AA for a moment, to me it was more like wishing to avoid the pain I’d associate with a potentially “negative” reaction. And it can be hard to try on a new behavior if you feel you might still experience that pain you wish to avoid. (Not that I “justify” this or anything, just trying to explain.)

Re #2: Not necessarily “confident” in the way society sees it. But definitely comfortable with myself – with whatever faults and blessings I might have. I think people get the wrong idea about “confident” from movies, actually 🙂 In movies/TV it’s very easy and “fun” to portray characters as infinitely charismatic and confident. In reality even someone who’d be like that wouldn’t necessarily enjoy the same results (people seek humans beings, not caricatures, as friends).

Thank you for these inspiring questions, RJ 🙂

1) because having this you ‘somehow’ can feel more secure about the situation.

2) yeah, this is some programming bullshit. they are more insecure than us.

i’d like to adress something: i’m , in a scale of 1-10 whereas
10 being a god, i’m 3 (below average).

i have confidence, dont feel fear, can have a lot of energy, can
approach women; no problem.

but since i’m not attractive, women does not even give me a look.
how to fix this?? a good eye contact is cool.. but does not
happen everytime.

this someties is sad, even tough i have cool beliefs
and clean energy (centered and so on), most women are looking either
for looks, status or something programmed. sounds like atttitude is
not everything, whereas a man an afc with money and status can get
very far.

1. I am absolutely no idea if I get a perfect results of my new behaviours so I must do it as perfect as possible and getting experience and feedback.
2. Second question – I don’t know you are the master Ross tell me. I only notice that when I am doing something sure for example touching woman there are good results.

Peer pressure, social conditioning, movies – all cancers to our being.

And this is all the more obvious the past few weeks where I stopped pretending to be hot shit, embrace that I’m not cool and started bringing my energies inwards. Then confidence started to just happen and girls are magnetized.
Now I gotta get in my system more verbalizing, more “hi how is it going I noticed you looked away” or anything to break this contemplative silence of mine.

Ironically, I find there are women who say, they not only want you to have confidence in yourself, BUT just as well for her; where they lack that in themselves. That can be a great work in progress to be with a woman like that. I’d much rather screen for ones who have confidence just the same. Saves you the drama she’ll give you later for her lack of confidence in herself.

For me
1) Abusive and belittling parenting. Lack of encouragement etc. This leads to fear of reprisal and rejection. I know this as I have worked through it a lot and still do with NYIG to see whats there.
2) Media brainwashing. Need I say more. It’s the whole concept of what I see SS is cahanging and I am seeing it change in me.

Hi Lads, and Ladessesses,

I’m newish to this so..Maybe I’m talking out the top of my hat here, but, here goes,

I think most people begin learning any seduction (Fully Charged) rubbing there hands togeather thinking “Right, I must get this down exactly right, Then ALL Women are mine, Mine…MINE!!…I TELL YA”

“I can utter some magic words and melt women with those words that they have been searching for and beyond there control will automatically fall into your arms and you can do what you want with them…”

Probably the answer to the first question.

…Thats only how it appears from the outside, and the ideas presented are gonna take some trial, error, work and time…

Speedseduction…Right off the cuff… teaches you to be responsible…And if your not interested in responsibily in this area of your life then you wont learn it and you shouldn’t learn it…

RJ…You are the actual BEST…

So my answer to the first question is – that question is a misconception, up until this now, and another question replaces it…How can I utilse this to aid in your sucksex,

The second question just answered itself…

Maybe i’m wrong, Maybe I’m Right, but I’m right about this… …RJ…KNOWS…

TTFN x

P.S. For the record…I’m gutted I have to put some work in…

thank you for the info and mind blogging comment. this you talked about and everyone comments will be a sneak peak of your future product? is cool..

@Ross, how do I change the destination ? The earthy lust energy somehow gets suppressed somewhere around the throat (vishudi) and elsewhere but I don’t know where.

Silence is pretty deeply programmed in me and also serves as a safe place, a bit like the ice cave in Fight Club.

1) No one told me that.. it was build up inside me, because the fear of failure… when we are sure about result, this fear is no longer there. So for me the big problem is that fear that came maybe from world, education, parents, friends… IDK

2) That was a good one! even though I only use your material nowadays, I truly believed on that, because it was told me since ever.. and when I started studied pick up it was repeated over and over again. For me that was a fact.

Some answers for aspiring seducers…

1) Where did you, up until now, used to get the idea that you used to have to be totally certain of a perfect result before you can enjoy trying out behaviors that are totally new and decide to become open to swap limiting beliefs to what works for you now?

2) Where do you get the idea that you used to get an idea that women expected you to be totally confident and sure of yourself in order to feel attracted to you?

That suggests you care what women want…As speedseducers we don’t care what women want, we are interested in what they respond to…

…In the wise words of Homer Simpson : “Women will like what I tell them to like…”

To answer the questions, I don’t know and I don’t care!

I’ve really been loving the “rejection” responses recently. Totally saves time over the same person trying to be “nice”. It doesn’t hurt at all when a woman just ignores my friendly invitation to meet. Maybe she’s in pain. Maybe she’s just busy. Whatever the reason, she’s not a match at that moment.

Here’s a question, why have those women been so attractive to me in the past?

My reply to that is again Apathy and Ignorance, although I could posit a theory on that one. Who cares.

I talked to maybe 4 new woman in the course of my day Monday, 1/2 were snotty or indifferent, one slowed her pace so I could catch up and say something to her, and one had me ROFL during haircut – she’s good!

1) Where do you get the idea that you have to be totally certain of a perfect result before you can enjoy trying out behaviors that are totally new?

I tend not to try new behaviors if I believe that it may not turn out well. If it does not turn out well, this goes against my self-image. I have a hard time accepting a negative self-image. This is what I have come to realize.

More specifically, I tend to attribute the failure of an approach to poor social skills. Since I have trouble living with the idea that I have below average social skills — or to be reminded of it — I tend to avoid approaching women. If I have a failed approach while using a new behavior, I am likely to attribute to poor social skills as well…

2) Where do you get the idea that women expect you to be totally confident and sure of yourself in order to feel attracted to you?

From experience, it’s not necessary. Some women might be attracted mostly only by seemingly 100% confident guys, but from my experience there are a lot of attractiveness factors.

1) Where do you get the idea that you have to be totally certain of a perfect result before you can enjoy trying out behaviors that are totally new?

Our education system teaches us this. I believe you’ve mentioned this yourself Mr. Jeffries in one of your recorded seminars. Just watching students stress before exam days at the campuses of your local universities and colleges will attest to this, and no matter how much preparation goes in to it beforehand, the stress builds and builds until you are shaking at a desk, unable to recall even the most basic concepts. But then, you find yourself staring out into space, hoping to not accidentally make the invigilator think you are cheating, and in that moment of quiet reflection, where you go into a little meditative state and collect your nerves and thoughts into one coherent structure, the information slowly returns and you are able to allow yourself to fully immerse yourself to the task at hand 🙂

As you can see, I’ve been writing out patterns 😛 And yes, I have been in this situation.

2) Where do you get the idea that women expect you to be totally confident and sure of yourself in order to feel attracted to you?

If I had this concept in mind, I’d have never been with a woman in any capacity until just recently, which is not true.

P.S. I’m brand new to this, and have been reading up on the free materials offered by you, Mr. Jeffries, and have been taking baby steps incorporating the material into my everyday life. But I have been getting strange results. I used the “…you are thinking too loud” line last week and got an apology. I was at a coffee shop with a friend last week also, and he needed a profile for his dating site ad, so I dictated a simple 6 line connection pattern. I said it deadpan, like I was reading from a shopping list, and made corrections, but I noticed a reaction to it from the young lady sitting next and across from me. She smiled, and looked at me, and then went to the bathroom for a long time, bummed a cigarette from someone and went out to smoke. She also left everything, including her laptop, unattended at the table. We spoke for awhile thereafter, but I didn’t run any more patterns on her.

I don’t know if this means anything, for all I know these are normal reactions, but a reaction is something, and a smile is even better. It means I’m touching something. What it is? I have no idea. 🙂 All I can say is I’m intrigued by your teachings. Having been educated in psychology, yes there was discussion of Milton Erickson’s NLP, but it was never expanded upon, I know the concepts of anchoring and Classical and Operant conditioning well. However, your lessons have opened a door for learning more about this form of communication, and how to use NLP not just for seduction, but for a variety of facets of life. Thank you. And all this for free 😛

hey young Guru, what it be like? may your Holidays be on point like a scoreboard Enjoy the breezies in ur cypha. big ups on the tips.