Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
You’ve heard it said a thousand times, “When it comes to success with women, NICE GUYS FINISH LAST.”
I’d put it this way, “When it comes to success with women, NICE GUYS FINISH IN THEIR HAND!”
However, all rules make sense in a certain context.
For example, when you drive on the highway, the maximum posted speed limit may be 65 MPH.
However, if traffic is jammed bumper to bumper (if you live in Los Angeles, think the 405 headed North between 3PM-7:30PM) the maximum actual speed limit is whatever is safe.
So, in one context ONLY, being “nice”, or rather validating and pleasant, can really help you meet a lot more women, again in a certain context.
Here’s what I mean:
Have You Ever Felt Really Down At The Prospect
Of Going Out And Meeting Women?
Almost like it’s a search to sell yourself and get some woman to validate and like you?
Or a form of hunting where you have to feel like a predator? Or a sneaky act of minor crime, like you are going out to shoplift or pick-pockets?
I have found that one of the best ways to prepare my mental state for a great day of “sarging” is to get into a grounded, calm, compassionate state, where I do my best to be kind and validate EVERYONE I see, male, female, young or old, attractive or ugly, JUST a little bit.
Example: one day I was hanging out with a student(who later showed the sociopathic tendencies that make me shit-can people from my programs and my life.)
We were at a Starbucks when I started chatting up a young woman, She seemed very, very happy.
So that’s what I observed, “You seem happy.”
She said, “I just came from church. It always makes me happy since something bad happened to me last year.”
She proceeded to explain that, a year ago, she was brutally attacked, left for dead, and spent over a month in the hospital with no family, no friends; basically no emotional support.
Her eyes filled with tears and said, “Laying there, I suddenly felt the love of Jesus wash over me and his arms surround me. Ever since then, he is with me. When I feel ugly, he tells me how beautiful I am. When I feel lonely, he tells me he is always with me.”
She then looked at me as if to say, “Do you think I’m crazy?”
At that moment, I said, “I believe you. You’ve had a very powerful and good experience.”
At that point, she started to cry. “Thank you,” she said. “I don’t know why I feel safe to share this. Most people just think I’m crazy so I don’t say anything.”
Again, I said, “I believe you. You have had and continue to have a very powerful and good experience. Please keep believing and remember you ARE loved and are NEVER alone.”
Now, understand: I’m a 100% agnostic.
Do I believe that “Jesus” literally puts his arms around her? Or that there even is such a critter?
Frankly, I don’t. I see more evidence for Bigfoot. (Sorry if this offends you; for once that is NOT my intent.)
But you know what?
In that moment, I wanted to be supportive and compassionate to a human who was opening up to me.
So I validated her experience.
After that, I felt amazing and went on to have a fabulous day of sarging.
Why?
Because I was coming from a place of connecting and validating another human, rather than a place of predation, need or feeling ashamed.
So, contrary to what others may tell you, I say,
Validate As Many People As You Legitimately Can,
Just A Little Bit, As A Good Way To
Get Your Sarging Day Started
Combine this with the grounding, breath and other practices I teach in the “Showing Up Attractive” module of my “Rapid And Total Success With Women” course, and you’ll be well on your way to making meeting women fun, easy and fulfilling.
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. The sociopathic student who was with me, after we left the Starbucks asked, “Why didn’t you close her?”
He totally missed the point of being compassionate to another human, without HAVING to have a sexual interest.
I shook my head and said, “That wasn’t the point.”
Like!!
Well.. I think you could use this as a sort of socio-path quiz, Ross. Maybe test your students by telling your students and see if they respond like that guy.
How interesting! While reading, I was thinking: “This is the type of person I would acknowledge where she is at but someone I would ultimately stay away from in terms of leading into an emotional connection or sexual encounter.”
Because it would go against my personal values of potentially pretending I was into Jesus/the supernatural or taking advantage of the fact that she was becoming so open like that in front of a stranger if it were me.
P.S. Ok.. here’s a smart-ass remark but I have to mention it! (actually.. it’s philosophical)
“I’m a 100% agnostic.”
Isn’t that an oxymoron? How can you be so certain as to rate with 100% accuracy? Agnostic means:
“a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God.”
So, how can you be so sure of yourself?
That’s like, for example, a philosopher tells his student: “Nothing is certain.”
The student replies: “How are you certain?” or “How can you be so certain?”
I’m not criticizing that you are agnostic… just poking fun at the statement! (i.e. 100% ?)
It is more authentic to be yourself and have fun sarging and deciding to walk away after creating a positive frame is natural. You never know if you might meet this person again and who they are. I have done things for people who were complete strangers and unexpectedly they have reappeared in my life remembering me years later.
Glad you gave him the boot early on before he increased his skill set for inflicting pain on others.
Not what I would have expected, kind of how I act already. Great article Ross.
I think beliefs are misunderstood by too many people. Apparently, if your beliefs don’t stand up to scientific evidence your a fucktard. Bollocks. Beliefs don’t have to be true, they just need to serve you in a way that helps you overcome a difficult area of life and turn it into success. ….personally I couldn’t care less if someone I meet believes in a giant space monkey that controls everything. As long as that helps them to be successful in a direction that fulfils life to the way you want it to be most as the way you imagine it. Now, having said that, you’ll find it much easier when you ditch boring and go out with joy and fun.
If a person can imagine/create/envision something that helps them, more power to them.
So who was the “socio”…(ME, VK, JS GH ?) So many looking to up their game. When looking for a “wing”, tread cautiously, I have encountered a couple in my search.
Hi Ross
I was skeptic about your course because, this seems to good to be true, I bought many things on the internet that did not work, and hearing those testimonials make me wonder if this stuff really works.
If this program is as good as you say, and treating women with respect, i will give it a try.
If I may, giving anything a try, without needing a guarantee you’ll succeed. , is attractive in its self.
1. We try to truly”understand” our women.
2. Our intent is to leave our women better than we found them.
3. Our intent is to engage our women its to serve them and us in a joyous and meaningful way.
4. Even when our women give us treat us rudely, we don’t demand or pressure them to treat us nice. But we do stand up and speak up and tell them honestly that what they’re doing is rude. If they continue to treat us bad, we walk away even if it hurts. We respect them but we respect ourselves too.
Look a lot of people come into Ross’ work as skeptics but come out believers. Suspend your disbelief for long enough to do more than try actually see what he is offering. It doesn’t seem like it is going to work because it is not like anything else available out there.
What Ross is offering is not just a bunch of pick-up lines and stupid tricks to draw attention to yourself. Which frankly is what the rest of the community is teaching you.
While it may work on some level it only leads to damaged, crazy, psychotic women who will ultimately cause you more harm than good.
It is about a fundamental change in yourself. A change that not only makes you attractive to women, but, is just as positive change for you and your life as well. This a is taught along with probably the most accurate understanding of women and how they think I have ever seen. When you learn to capture and lead these processes, ones that they do by themselves with or without you, you become so uniquely attractive you will stand out from the rest of the AFC’s.
Ross’ stuff works. But, don’t take my word for it see for yourself.
Wow Ross. I’ve read quite a few of your articles and I must say that was one of the best articles you have written. So many people, especially in Southern California are in such a rush and have such a selfish attitude that they don’t even slow down to say hello. What a refreshing story…
I think it is great that you are suggesting getting someone to open up and then validating them. We all need that in our lives and it feels great when it happens to us. It also gives you such a great feeling when you do it for others.
The importance of showing compassion to other humans is rarely talked about but it does help you feel completely grounded when you do it. And we as men don’t usually think to do that as it is not typically in our nature so to speak.
It is quite easy to add this type of behavior to our nature with a little conscious effort. I have been trying to incorporate more of this behavior in my own life recently after moving back from Thailand and the decision to do so has added much joy and happiness to my life each day.
Thanks Ross. You are Awesome!
Take Care,
JP Blake
Hi Ross,
Just what I needed to hear from you these days, when i’m having trouble bluiding up dominance and keep being an easy, compassionate person.
looking foward to read your opinion on that matter!
Thanks 4 everything Ross!
Peace!
@Franco
I honestly don’t know if it’s about building up anything or just chipping away what doesn’t need to be there. Or both. Or neither.
RJ
Ross, I usually just peek on your writings and stuff… With grins and nods. But this time I want to share this to validate YOUR statement… Being nice, provided that it means truly listening to the woman and actively tuning in to her vibe, definitely works like a charm. It happened to me three days ago with my ex girlfriend, who broke up with me half a year ago because of tiring long distance relationship and failure of communication. I was (and is) still in love with her, so yes, she broke my heart. What’s worse back then is that she, being older than me, thought I’m to young to understand her life stories. When I met her three days ago I finished my travel in Europe not a long time ago, and I met her with some good reasons… I led her to a really nice park and induced to talk about herself by starting up with my stories in Europe.. She opened up a little, and talked about her abusive ex boyfriend and her issues with health, money, and her sense of hopeless future back years ago that had terrible effect on her life. I frequently nodded, smiled, sighed; I applied effective listening at the same time and held her hand as a sign of understanding. She didn’t resist. We sat down a little and talk for a very long time… Her explanation of her life gave me a relieving answer why she chose to leave me so, when she finished her long story, I looked “very” deeply into her eyes. Was it trusting enough? I think Ross, you might know the answer… We came back to her car from the park… where I talked pleasantly and playfully about how I like the word “chaste” and leaned for a kiss, a chaste one. From that point, I am on my highway to get her mind back.. We had quite a few deep kisses and tonight she complained not seeing me for making out. Well what can I say? I grew up and learned how to truly listen to women, this one thing is what I am confident about. When I was young I started as “the nice guy” and I just didn’t consent to be a douchebag despite a lot of heart ripping experiences, and then now I’m happy that I finally got to this point. Of course I read alot of your and other PUAs’ articles, cementing in my head… And thank God I’m still young. Thanks Ross!
Hi Ross
Sorry for being insensitive on my earlier comment
i like being a nice guy, and not taking advantage of women or anybody
with traumatic past issues, i believe you have to be a sleaze bag to take
advantage of someone like that, i really do have a conscience, and it is
always good to be nice because that’s my nature. Thanks Ross
peace.
Compassion is important. Without it I easily fall into the trap of thinking that I am doing something bad or hunting and that can make things deteriorate rapidly for me.
But with compassion I feel open and that I can give to other people. Makes me not think so much about myself and my own anxiety.
I remember sarging a woman at a party in a nightclub. Got a great connection but she started telling me about a bad breakup only a week before. She was just not in a condition where she could open up to having sex. I gave her a big compassionate hug. Half an hour later this other woman was looking at me and I just had to say hello and within minutes we were making out. just because I had a good vibe.
Speed seduction has opened up amazing new posssibilities to me but definately also meant a lot of challenges. But compassion takes my mind from challenges, hardship and anxiety. Thanks for reminding me again!
Hi Ross,
This was great to hear. My whole life I have been deemed the nice guy, and up to recently I did believe that nice guys finish in their hands. One thing I learned from it, is while we still have that part of us, we do tend to be happier. People remember these acts, and we’ll reciprocate it later, at times that we need it. So this can not only help us today, but can come around at un-anticipated times!
Kretsch
@Kretsch,
I think “pleasant by choice” is better than “nice”. “Nice” often means no back bone. “Pleasant means, to me, power, under self-control and elegantly applied.”
RJ
Better watch it Paul, you’ll get a reputation for actually caring for women, instead of being the ace pickup artist. Actually, after reading only one of your books I was convinced of it and still am. I’m really convinced that that is THE BIG SECRET. Hell, why else go to all the trouble you have???
@Paul, being a reductionist is a huge intellectual limitation and I don’t suggest it.
Caring is fine. But it’s not enough.
@Paul
I love women. Everyone should own at least 3 of them.
All kidding aside, I love SOME women. I have compassion for as many of the rest as I can.
RJ