Dear Seeker of Success,
One of the components of what I call the waiting game (what others call the “dating” game) is this: “dating” is designed by the romance industry to get men to shower women with free stuff – free dinners, free candy, free movie tickets, free dirty weekend in Vegas, etc…
Just the other day, someone asked me this question: “Is there a pattern to turn the tables – to get women to buy ME free stuff – to take me to dinner, buy me clothes, take me to the movies, etc.”
I think there’s a word for that: gigolo. And how nice would THAT be?
But: you see, there’s a huge PRIMARY error in that way of thinking.
What is that error?
You are thinking in terms of behavior – what you want her to do – BEFORE you think of what emotional states she ought to be in such that it would be natural for her to WANT to give you that behavior.
Rather than try to create a pattern specifically geared to getting her to, say, buy you a Rolls Royce, how about generating such amazing feelings inside of her – feelings that she craves – feelings that she ratifies and affirms that she LOVES – that she then feels motivated to please you in EVERY possible way?
Then, and ONLY then, would I even think about patterns that allow you to embed suggestions to buy you stuff.
Do you see the error?
Remember: as a master of your girl-getting game, you are responsible for creating the state in which she is willing, indeed eager, to go where you want her to go.
Peace,
RJ
P.S. Again, there is NOTHING wrong at all (per se) with wanting to have a woman buy you lots of stuff. It is how you are structuring your thinking FIRST in terms of her behavior before you think about structuring her emotions and state of mind.
To get a ton more on this topic “in a box”, click here.
So true. I have NEVER tricked off on a woman. Mr. Jefferies hit it on the head. I have primarily attracted women who just NATURALLY want to do for me, buy me things, NOT let me put my hand in my pocket during our time together.I like the way you broke it down Ross, you even illuminated this whole thing for me, one who LIVES in a reality where “HOT” women feel free to buy me things and more importantly, truly desire to “do” for me, as in, I can make them feel great by ALLOWING them to give unto me!! Why the hell would I wanna rob these women of that?!? Peace
I totally agree. I met this woman who is going through a divorce like my self and I have been able to structure the relationship to where it suits me by speaking my truth. I am only offering what I am willing to offer is my time (once a week with about 1 to 2 texts in between) and my torpedo with no commitments. I told her I see other women. She’s been talking about a trip to the beach within a week or two along with a trip to Hawaii when she settles with her divorce. Her treat.
I am reluctant to accept because I think she is trying to buy my commitment and that is something I want to avoid since she is not someone I would consider marrying at ALL!!!!!! I think she sees me as a solution to all of her problems and that is what’s driving this. I’m getting the impression that I may be playing with fire but she let’s me bang her in the ass. I also took her to a swingers club just because I wanted to check it out and you get in cheaper as a couple. However while she is feeding my desires just like my soon to be ex did, from what I have seen from the patterns of the past, we get married,the honeymoon will end and then we move to a small town called Supplicationville near Roswell New Mexico. 🙁
All of this was done with just enough patterning to be effective so what Ross is saying is 100% true in my opinion but be careful.
When I pay for an evening with a woman it is because this is something I want to do and she is willing to join me in something I want to do together. I will also accept her reciprocation in return but I try to make sure it’s pretty much 50/50 so neither of us feel used in the end. That’s just me and my concerns but I could also be wrong.
Thanks Ross!
Could this whole “Getting Her To Buy YOU Stuff” have anything to do with somebody having a birthday tomorrow? Happy Birthday!
Good thanks for the reminder Ross. I am getting into ‘state’ at this very moment, and I promise to hug a tree on my way to the pub.
When it comes right down to it, getting her to be in the “emotional states she ought to be in” has to do with making her feel as though you are the source, the GOLD vane as it were, for EVERYTHING that she needs EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY (provider), so that she’ll WANT to give you everything that you want . . . physically.
IF you REVERSE that role it will SHUT HER DOWN.
Oh she’ll want to make you cookies, buy you that occasional special gift, “take” YOU out for YOUR birthday, etc . . etc, BUT NOT at the price of her being the provider.
When she offers a GIFT, it is an expression of her emotions for you. NOT her wanting to ROLE-REVERSE. To her a gift it is symbolic to offering her body and soul. RECEIVE IT GRACIOUSLY AND THEN GIVE VALUE BACK. That’s what she needs and wants. I’ve seen it over and over again.
Estrogen laden humans will not tolerate the feeling that they are the DOMINANT partner ( role reversal )
All this “buying her into bed” is lame to me as well!!! I don’t want to spend money on women I haven’t slept with at least once – or even better – I don’t want to spend money on them at all (with exceptions like birthday or something if they happen to be my gf). I’d feel like paying a whore… However, almost every woman I’ve asked how she’d feel if the guy wouldn’t pay the check on a date, they’d never want to see him again – “because that’s what a guy is supposed to do on a date”.
Now, I follow your recommendation Ross and date only women I’ve already slept with – however I don’t want to spend money on them – it would be enough if I could just pay mine and they’d pay theirs and everything is fine.
A friend of mine does as follows:
He waits until she gets her wallet and just than he says he’ll pay. If she doesn’t, he lets her pay what she had and never contacts her again.
I’ve managed to let women pay my drinks while I was night-gaming.
I’d love to try this one on a day-game – which, up until now, isn’t really my strength yet :/
Nogs point about remaining the “provider” is excellent: basically the woman is looking to trade money-a value which she sees as lesser than what she is getting from you- for what you have supply of, and have been offering, yet have apparently not committed to a longterm future deal with her, and all under the pretense of you both acknowledging that you hold the leverage in the deal.
What Nog or Ross didn’t mention however is that NEGOTIATION is 100% key here. It doesn’t mean shit if you have all the value in the world if you are giving it away in a poor deal and taking a loss. You need to make sure a woman understands that you understand how valuable you are to her. Women, just as social beings in general, have no problem taking advantage of men- esp. in an area of social dynamics and negotiation so ‘off the cuff’ and informal as ‘being a person who in addition to being a welcomed romantic partner also makes me feel warm, and feel better about myself’. Theoretically, and perhaps, “realistically”, that service is perhaps worth at least half as much as a woman would pay for her house note each month. But if you came out and literally asked for this deal, you would be the one in the wrong. So sly negotiation skills are a an absolute must here. You need to get what you are worth in this situation without coming off crude in an unofficial social standard. Similar to what ‘escorts’ do. You need to negotiate market value without actually literally speaking the terms of the service agreement. -This in itself is perhaps a greater skill than ‘truly’ (as perception is reality) having that value as a provider is.