Dear Speed Seduction® Master-In-Training,
I don’t know about you, but I’m really enjoying this week’s “mail bag” series.
I don’t get a chance to do these very often, and I’ll be blunt: this is only a smattering of the girl-getting wisdom and teaching that you’ll find inside my Coaching Program. You should really check it out.
In today’s installment, let’s look at a student who seems to be “stuck” on some chick and he’s trying to fix some real or purported “damage”…
I’m not old, fat, or ugly. I’m a student and lead singer of a band. I never had a problem getting girls, BUT the one girl I do want is more confusing than anything – and I’m at my wits end.
I’ve been on and off with her for three years and initially she was always ready to please sexually and otherwise – she claims I hurt her and now she is “emotionally damaged” … has no interest in sex and refuses to do anything sexual at all. I would like to seal the deal and be monogamous with this one girl but cannot because of the sexual issues. I’ve tried talking about it, being nice, yelling, threatening, all to no avail. She has random bursts of sexual interest but this stops short of actual intercourse. Considering there are quite a few other girls willing to fulfill my needs it’s getting more and more difficult to stay faithful. I want a healthy, functioning sexual relationship again.
You say it’s getting more difficult to stay faithful? To WHAT? Did I miss the part where you said she is currently your girlfriend and you and her are building a life TOGETHER? She claims you hurt her and emotionally damaged her, and at random intervals she’ll show “some” interest but you never actually board the Cape Carnal-Veral Shuttle. And you have other women wanting to fulfill your needs. Consider this:
- Whether you did or didn’t really “emotionally damage” her, you need to figure out why that has you revolving your whole life around trying to “fix” it. What, within you, is holding you back from resolving this for YOURSELF?
- Even if you COULD fix whatever damage was done, you can’t do it with her unless you fix it WITHIN YOU first.
- What, inside you, compels you to feel the need to “fix” her at expense of your own emotional power? (It’s written between the lines.)
- That being said…dude…you’re a rock star with women pining for you. Maybe you’re not picking the ripest cherries from this bushel because of the unresolved issues (within yourself) behind Door Number One?
All the more reason to get clear with YOURSELF.
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. If I had a dollar for every student who actually did screw up with a chick he was really into and beat himself up over it, I’d be living on a yacht with Tabbatha Jean and Tazzleberry Marie, on a 12-month (instead of 3-week) Speed Seduction® 3.0 Live Tour. There’s a way past it, but it doesn’t have anything to do with HER. Click here to see what I mean.
Dude… A wise character once said… “Exit…stage left”.
Robert – Wonder who? He he he
A student comes to his master and says: “Master, I´ve got a problem…” Master says: “What is it my son?” Student: “I have a goat living in my house´s living room, and it makes a lot of noise, eats my carpet, it stinks, and sh*ts everywhere…” Master: “Why in hell do you need a fu***ng goat?” Student:”I dunno… maybe some day it turns itself into a baloon, and I always wanted to fly in a baloon…” Silence
Are you crazy man, its she who is damaging YOU ! She is manipulative and controlling, all because of some undisclosed issues she says you did to her.
I say run not walk away from her….and guess what will happen – that’s right she’ll come running to you. She will then say you need to resolve issues with her (trying to get you to stay and engage). I suggest you reply politely, “Sorry I asked and tried to help, you’re not interested so I’m moving on…to help YOU move on too – good luck”
Then and only then if you want to (and I say DON’T) if you feel it necessary, you can on your terms discuss this with a more rational basis. But I warn you this is a bad idea…she needs professional help if your description is right.
I think as we get better and better at attracting the women we desire into our lives, many of us, myself included, are going to attract some that have many wonderful engaging qualities the build our desire and attraction to them, but in reality some of these ladies aren’t good for us. I call them chocolate, I love chocolate, and in moderation it won’t hurt me, in abundance it adds weight to my fat ass and shortens my life. I have one girl in particular who I love being with, the girl brings drama to everyone but me, she knows better, but she is still my chocolate, she is sweet, funny, fun, and a little is nice, but I have to be on guard because like Billy Joel says:
She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith with her casual lies
And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child, but she’s always a woman to me
If I learned anything from being married, now divorced, it is that you cannot fix someone who don’t want to be fixed. To this day, my ex has no life, despite encouragement from myself and our kids, she probably spends 140 hours a week in her tiny little apartment. She just broke up with the only guy who would date her in the three years and is too full of pride to apologize for the shitty things she said to him.
It is funny how we won’t buy obviously damaged merchandise in a store, and yet we will keep obviously damaged women, thinking somehow we can save them.
There is a joke about a guy stranded on the top of his roof during a flood. The coast guard sends a helicopter to pull him off the roof of his home, he declines saying, “God will save me.” He prays diligently and the next day a police boat pulls up and offers him a ride, “No, God will save me!” He continues to pray, the next day a dingy pulls up and he is again offered a ride. Again he declines, “No thank you, God will save me.” He prays diligently, and no help comes, on the fifth day he cries out, “God, why won’t you save me?” The clouds part and a light shines down and a booming voice speaks out from the heavens, “I sent you a helicopter and two boats, what more do you want?”
I am not on a missions program to save every confused damaged, fucked up female on the planet. If a person, male or female needs help, I will offer the help I can, so long as they accept it, but if they aren’t willing to help themselves, or want to blame me for their problems, I am done with it.
Double T – It goes back to what I say about being a “pleasant” man vs. a “nice” man. With that distinction, it becomes easy to strike the right balance (offering help where you can as a matter of compassion, vs. being a desperate supplicator)….
Hey Man, I dated a girl JUST LIKE THIS before I got into SS. Let me tell you, it was seriously the biggest mistake of my life. The relationship lasted about 2 years, with the last year being nothing short of sheer Hell. The best part of it was, whatever ‘sexual issues’ she had began and ended with me. Meaning other people weren’t out of the picture. Not the kind of lesson you enjoy learning the hard way. Plus, everything in my life that I was really passionate about was subsumed by this girl and her issues.
This is just an opinion, but I’ve come to realize that NO ONE is worth sacrificing your emotional autonomy for. You may think you like her now, but I GUARANTEE you will hate yourself a few months down the road. Not the kind of fate I’d wish on even my mortal enemies. Well, maybe them.
No matter what you do, good luck and best of wishes.
RJ!
Why don’t you do a program on longterm relationship skills?
Some guys are into that, I have used your skills to get an amazing woman, but keeping her is not as easy as I thought to be.
It is totally different world than seduction. please advice or at least recommend a good source!
Ali – I have discussed how to apply Speed Seduction within a relationship or marriage. Check out this post here. Typically I suggest checking out the Core Attraction / Hyper Response as well as Magick / Psychic Influence courses. Click the “Girl Getting Products” above and then go to “Advanced” toward the bottom of that page. (RJ)
Welcome everyone, this is my first post. I am no longer a virgin. As far as this guys question, the answer is simple. DUMP HER!!!!!!!!
Tel Aviv “Sabra”
You can not fix other people, only yourself. I frieken love Ross, but that is so obvious that I do not need him to tell me that.
On another issue, I am looking for a wingman in Tel Aviv.
If anyone out their is interested shoot me an e-mail at sabramodelz@gmail.com
I had a similar situation with a girl I really was head over heals about only she was damaged from a previous relationship. In her case she didn’t want to get better so I finally stopped all communication with her which is what I suggest you do too. Forget her – she’s not worth it!!!
Hi,
Personally I think this lady is a “life sucker” and not worth your life man. She’s using excuses to waste your time and will do this over and over again.
I’m no expert, just speaking from personal experience knowing that suchh a female does not deserve you and you owe it to yourself to walk away and move on to greener pastures.
Peace
Nick
wow..you know..I’m just reeling from a horrible experience with a damaged woman..she had been seriously psychologically abused..for some reason I felt compassion for her in her situation and cared more about hurting her and tuck around longer..at her request even though I expressly told her the kind of thing we had was not what I wanted..and only til I got emotionally attached does she drop the F bomb on me..when I complained she lashed out accusing me of wanting all or nothing..anyways (it was very damaging to my self esteem) and you just are better off staying away from damaged girls..wish them well on their own journey to healing but don’t try to become their healer
For Ali
Seduction-Knowhow and the “laws” of longterm-relationship are not allways the same.
For LTR i recommend ALL Books from Dr. Chuck Spezzano
Thank you RJ
Right now I’m not that focused on creating attraction or getting more sex, things are fine there.
I want to know how can I expand a woman’s vision, and help her to get over her limiting beliefs and emotional self-esteem issues, without becoming her Therapist!
That’s my big big problem in a relationship
yeah, I had one of these.
ditch her. dump her. abandon her. bravely run away. ignore her. refuse to think about her. get your freak on with all of those other ladies vying for your cock.
just GTFO of the relationship.
or spend the next decade watching it drain everything of worth out of your life, until you’re really in trouble.
time, tide, and pussy wait for no man. those other girls won’t be around forever.
Here´s what i meant with my little nonsense story (almost as nonsense as a rockstar crying about a crazy chick): the student indeed had a problem, but probably not the one he thought he had… sometimes it´s confusing how unrealistic our expectations with woman are, and sometimes we must be willing to put our “goats” outside our lives in order to chase what we really want…
I was thinking about what omar said.. Yes such a terrible female can poison other aspects of your life I know because it recently was my problem. In the end I got smart and turned my back on her and decided to erase her socially.
I wont even speak to her closest friend that “she” used as a go-between when I broke it off with her the first time. By cutting off the friend too I effectively erased her social existence to my life.
Where my life was clouded now I have total clarity and man does it feel great to see with such clarity.
I have taken a vow to screen this nonsense from my life by recognizing the symptoms of a psychic leech brand of female. Go for the good ones, but prepare to sift through much sediment before finding gold.
Maybe if you were old fat and ugly you might have less ego and more compassion, affection and well after 3 years??? You might need the counselling. If you hurt her you might have a donger that’s large so you need to lubricate her more…or maybe she needs quality time…either way the immature comments above are pathetic. Stick with Ross his stuff is gold.
Lets be helpful here.
I can totally relate brother! Just over a year ago I separated with a woman I thought was going to be ‘her ladyness’ and sit by my side for this lifetime… I’m sharing my story so you can learn from my mistake and rise above the BS you’re being put through!
For the longest time I tried to fix the issues, they were sexual, emotional, family etc etc… It hurt like hell to let go, I tell you no lie! I allowed myself to become a victim of her problems! – A victim of her own personal crap by assuming ownership of it because I allowed myself to feel responsible for it… – I stupidly allowed myself to be a therapist!
What I can say is that with all the skill in the world at your fingertips all the right energy, intent and adaptation, people will still do people things and they will mostly do the things they are used to doing – the things they are ‘Familiar’ with. – You’re clearly different, unique and have the world of females as your oyster. Yet you’ve emotionally attached yourself to this woman, Just because you have this, does not mean you need to play GOD, Psychologist, Therapist etc etc and try to fix something in her that’s not yours to fix! – Stop being so selfish! If the problem is hers then STOP taking ownership of it! It’s NOT yours!
Now, are you going to allow one female to control your emotional and physically intimate life?
How long will it be before you recognise that the problem, yours or not has nothing to do with you trying to get her into bed again.
Focus on your feelings, notice what they’re telling you and know that if you approach from your place of abundance, not desperation! And are doing everything correctly and she still does not byte, then you need to begin embracing a few metaphors to release yourself from the chains you’ve accepted being shackled in.
“You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink”
“If you’re not enough without the trophy, you’ll never be enough with it”
Being stressed and focussing on trying to get her to do the things you want her to do closes your mind and keeps you stuck! Stuck in seeing things the wrong way and missing all the valuable information that is the answer to your problems!
BUT!
If you were to feel comfortable and good around her no matter what she did, then your awareness will open up and you’ll begin to notice the gaps, the errors that are there, both in YOU and in HER!
Ross teaches how to do this effectively and consistently, to be able to pickup on the challenges and to deal with them on the spot, as they happen so you can sleep easy at night, knowing that you’re in control of your world.
Now stop crying and take control of yourself so the women in your life can feel comfortable and hot around you to do the dirty things you want them to do to you!
Regards,
M.