Dear Seeker of Success,
For many students, overcoming approach anxiety can’t be done by simply saying “suck it up, Buttercup.”
Even (perhaps especially) if that message is delivered by your well-meaning buddies surrounding you at the party: “There she is. She’s f@@king HOT. Dude. DUDE. GO FOR IT!”
Approach anxiety can be scary. Scary things aren’t fun.
But what if you could have fun with it?
Would it be a little less scary?
Perhaps one or more of the following would help:
1. Laugh. Seriously – laugh. Imagine the silliest f@@king thing you can happening. Like she rejects you and you turn into a pink rabbit with a fluffy tail.
2. Deliberately see how many rejections you can get. Rather than fighting rejection, paradoxically seek it out. Think of the stupidest think you could possibly say (without being threatening or offensive) and then try your best to get rejected and, at all costs, NOT get accepted or welcomed. Give yourself a reward for each rejection-say a favorite meal or a porn movie or whatever you like.
3. Admit your truth to the woman. Walk up and say, “Excuse me, but I am totally terrified of talking to woman and I’ve really had enough of surrendering to fear. So I know this may seem uncomfortable, but you are really helping me just by letting me do this”.
(More: how to get attractive women to help you overcome your fear)
Sound crazy?
You will be shocked at how kind most people are when faced when genuine vulnerability and emotional honesty. Why? Because on some level, ALL humans carry around a lot of fear. So someone who will admit it, appears as very brave!
No shit!
A lot of the problem with fear of approaching is guys try to HIDE the fear from the other person. So rather than hide it, FEATURE it.
Still sound crazy?
What’s crazy is doing the same thing you’ve been doing up until now and expecting a different result.
Peace,
RJ
P.S. Overcoming approach anxiety goes hand in hand with claiming your Sexual Aggression Mastery and leads to you Showing Up Attractive.
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[…] original post here: Overcoming Approach Anxiety: 3 Ways To Have Fun And Blast Past It No […]
Fun fun fun today! I did the 3-3-3 meditation from your forward attraction program for the first time in a while today sitting in the hot tub after working out at the gym. Really just thought it would be the most comfortable way to meditate sitting upright, but I was [missing adverb] surprised to open my eyes and see several more people than when I started, all peacefully silent and still.
From there I said a pleasant “have a good day” to receptionist who was talking on the phone, who then one-upped me with “have a GREAT day” before I got out the door. This may sound trivial, but baseline pleasantness hasn’t recently come easily for me.
Drove across town for an eye-candy massage with the specific intent to be friendly and completely non-sexual with whoever I got. Again, just exchanging basic “who are you” conversation has not recently come easily for me.
Turns out she just got married and while I was getting signals that a little play might be on offer anyway, I asked her how they met and how they got together and just enjoyed hearing her story. Short version: “He was really handsome and asked me to dance, so I said yes.”
Then I stopped at the mall for a bite and noticed a much younger woman sitting alone checking her cell phone. She noticed me notice her walking by (I think there’s an opener there, but I’m not posting it until I test it).
Well I’m sitting there thinking this is the perfect chance to use the opener that occurred to me in a similar situation over lunch earlier this week – bring her a clean napkin and say, “If he doesn’t show up you can give him this to show how much you cried about it.”
I’m really working up some nerves and think “can’t I get a sign” and then, “no that’s just too serious and totally inappropriate for this”, but just then she did look over, like keeping tabs on the creepy old dude checking her out, so I figure I’ll just say the first part, “If he doesn’t show up you can give him this” and observer her response to see if she asks the obvious, “What for?”
I stumbled a little standing up, but walked over, made eye contact so she could see I was going to say something to her, put the napkin down, said it and observed. She smiled and said a respectful “thank you” which I interpret mainly as “end of transaction please”, but choose to also interpret as “thanks for saying something since you were obviously eyeing me up.”
Went back and sat down and couldn’t finish eating. Physically couldn’t swallow. Left and not steady enough to get back on the freeway so stopped at Best Buy to pick up some classic rock CD’s to help with the drive and exchanged pleasantries with cute sales girl. Again, not really flirting, just being friendly.
Still had to pull off the freeway a couple times to calm my nerves on the way home.
So yeah, there’s a fun aspect to it. I like number 2. See how many “rejections” you can get.
For me there is also the recognition that not being a “nice guy” does not mean being an unfriendly jerk or a weirdo. I know you cover this well in your talks about the difference between that and being pleasant, etc.
The last thing I’ve been slowly starting to practice is really really turning off all sexual intent at this point in my development. A quick look to say “yea” or “nay” and then I’m practicing where I’m at, which is being a pleasant and respectful gentleman who is safe to talk to.
They already know why I’m talking to them. I don’t hide that. I simply leave it to the point in the process where it belongs.
Hay Ross
Come Friday/Saturday nite I’m gonna try this out – big time, oooh yeh I know a few places.
Ross , im living outside the usa and you are relativesly unknown here but please contact me via my email and i can help you get your stuff going out here …. contact me and i can help you boost sales ! But equally important please let me know the url of the web page or pages where all your material eg books cd’s etc are listed
I’ve used the one you linked to about “please reject me,” 3x now. So far none of them have been mean about it =(
It’s like they’re not even trying to ruin my day…
@Zara
That’s kind of my whole point. To illustrate that women are just regular human beings like the rest of us and it’s not worth it to be afraid to approach one.
The ones you are very attracted to you – have a power over you (a strong unfulfilled biological urge) – and they have the final say, in regards as to whether they will allow you into their pants or not.
You also have every other guy competing against you…
How is that not intimidating?
I’ve created my own patterns and structure, yet, worrying it’s going to sound like a rehearsed script also holds me back, as well as bystanders within earshot being an audience.
I’ve always wanted to know your opinion on approaching on crowded city streets. I’d say personally, that situation for approaching is impractical.
@Godfrey
My intuition tells me that these may help you:
Vomit And Cat Piss On A Paint Brush
Anxiety, And Moving Through The World With Impunity
Thank you for your feedback.
You bet