Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
Just the other day I received an e-mail from a great student of mine, someone who TAKES ACTION, who read my recent post on The Great Disappearing Act.
Remember: one of the goals of Speed Seduction® is to give you not only the patterns and techniques, but also the success tools to apply the teachings to YOUR situation.
It seems this student had his own “disappearing act” on his hands. It started off as a great success, as many of these do. It was the first girl he’d had sex with in nearly two years – a former cheerleader at his college in fact.
Now let’s hear from him (I’ll leave his name out of it and edited it down a bit) because my response to him is something EVERYONE needs to hear…
We were hanging out for about a month and had great sex. Both sides were satisfied in that regard, as I gave her at least two orgasms every time we had sex. It seemed the intensity/chemistry was only growing the last time we hung out and then she started acting really distant. Finally, I told her straight up that I felt she’d been noticeably distant and I’m not going to keep expending energy if I’m not getting the same from her. Her response was just that it was a busy stretch at work and she didn’t think she could give me what I was looking for, especially since we live about an hour away from each other.
RJ: OK, let me briefly stop here. The “work” thing is bullshit. A woman digs a guy, she will crawl an hour to see him! To continue:
I asked a female friend about this and she said that sometimes when women aren’t confident – instead of expressing their emotions verbally they’ll put out physically because they know a guy won’t reject that. She suggested hanging out with her a couple of times, not trying to have sex with her but still being flirty and she will likely soon start coming on to me again.
RJ: Critical teaching point here: NEVER ASK A WOMAN ADVICE ABOUT GETTING LAID! E-V-E-R.
Well, I didn’t get that far. I suggested we get together sometime soon and got another vague answer – ‘possibly.’
I’m perplexed, yet somewhat intrigued too. I’m getting further each time but every other time I’ve been able to figure out where I went wrong. Should I just let it go? Or is there a way to get that smoking body back in my bed? Even though I’ve moved on to others I guess I’m just worried this will happen again…
Anyways, thanks for all you do. It’s really helped raise my confidence with the ladies. I was for sure the nice guy everyone came to with their problems but the psychology of speed seduction has given me the posture I’d been lacking. I’m still a work in progress but keyword there is ‘progress.’
Good attitude to have. I’d say this woman, for whatever reason, moved on. My guesses (and they are just that: guesses):
1. She wants more than sex and you don’t appear to be long term relationship or marriage material to her.
2. There is someone else who has re-emerged from the backround and you were her “filling station” to keep her excited and validated until he came back.
3. She’s got some other deeper issues she is running from. Trouble with the law, family crisis, alien implants, CIA kidnapping-who the fuck knows.
One thing is clear; she isn’t communicating with you. So she either can’t – in which case you are fucked. Or she doesn’t want to/won’t, in which case she certainly doesn’t even have the decency to clear up the confusion and set you free.
To hell with her, either way.
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. See this is how I teach – helping actual students with actual situations on their way to total vaginal victory in the land of moist, pink abundance. How would you like six score plus a few more of these laser-focused coaching moments, in video, at your fingertips 24/7? I thought so. Click here now to make it part of your reality.
So apropos. I experiencing a similar situation, where the girl just isn’t contributing as much as before. I figured I’d ‘confront’ her, but judging by this post, that’s not gonna yield any good responses that aren’t “canned” (busy,tired,etc). Time to pull back, put it in the backburner and move on.
@PUA Vault
Welcome to the blog.
On a larger level, most people(actually ALL people) will experience their level of desire and interest waxing and waning. That’s reality. How we manage it is up to us. And our skills.
RJ
I’m probably going to be convicted and hung for saying this, but I see 3 problems in the way Speed Seduction seems to be used by some guys to create a relationship. They seem to think:
1) Sarging is something you do, it’s not who you are.
2) Once she’s in your bed, your work is done.
3) All women have the same needs and desires.
One of the biggest complaints I hear from women: “He’s not the same guy I met. He was fun and exciting, but he changed. He doesn’t [whatever] anymore.”
1) For a lot of guys, sarging seems to be an act they put on to get the girl into their bed. It’s a case of, “Fake it until you make it.” That works great if you’re never going to see her again. But when the one night stand turns into a relationship, she’s going to discover that you’re not really that fun, exciting guy you pretended to be when you seduced her that first night.
2) Attraction is a constant, ongoing process. If you start a relationship with a high energy level, you have to maintain a reasonably high energy level throughout the relationship, or she’s going to get bored, lose interest in you and move on.
3) Not all women are the same, so a one-size-fits-all solution doesn’t work consistently. Some women get very attached to a guy who seduces them into a one night stand. Other women don’t want to be tied down to one guy. They enjoy sexual variety, or they enjoy the ego boost they get by having several guys chasing them. These different types of women have very different needs, and require different methods of fulfilling those needs. One will cling to you like contact cement, while the other will be into you one day, but vague and distant another day because you’re sharing her with several other guys.
The “Fake it until you make it,” mentality doesn’t work in relationships. You have to actually become that high energy, fun, exciting guy you are while you’re sarging, or you’re going to completely suck at relationships.
— Marty
I have been in that situation. And bottom line is that if a chick wants you she will walk to hell and back to be with you. I was in a relationship for 5 years and then she did not have time to see me as her mother was seriouly ill and had to look after her.
Couple of weeks after I went to a club with a friend and wouldn’t you know it there she was. She had time to go out all of a sudden, I totally ignored her and left to another club, coincidently the friend that went with me was a big player and screwed her a couple of weeks after that.
Now a year later she is moving hell itself chasing after me, to the point that my neighbours have even noticed she is stalking me.
Sure I could get an intervention order but this would not be nearly as much fun as keeping her on a string and letting her watch me constantly dating new girls.
Right on Marty.
I like that Marty. As I’ve gotten a better handle on the psychology of speed seduction I’ve been able to relax and be myself more but know when to integrate seduction and when to show which sides of my personality. That’s when this stuff becomes really fun but I think it’s natural to go through a growing process where you’re just memorizing a bunch of stuff and trying out what works.
Marty, it appears what you have just described above are guys who practice that PUA crap. They collect a bag of gimmicks and it never really becomes apart of a guy’s psyche or nature. Now, someone who is immersed in the art of Speed Seduction they have skills and a natural understanding of human nature, not just women. Lastly, it doesn’t matter what you use to get the girl. As Ross has said many times before, and these aren’t his exact words but women are chaotic in nature. Women will leave you for their own reasons.
The beauty of SS is that now, we as men no longer have to settle for other women by default. We have choices now:) If she leaves, oh well. Next!
[…] Thou shalt not over-validate. […]
May I Say…..@Marty…
…That Is Absolutely Spot Ass F-in On… I like it.
Seduction in any form… is…Well…”Seduction”…A form of attraction.. That Is IT..
If you were to…Find yourself on a Long exciting journey…and you fill up your car with gas…you do so enough to get you to the next stop…
…If you want to keep filling up at the same gas station you better expect to keep circling around, and you may not get to far on your journey….
…And you better think about buying a house nearby…
Ask yourself…
Are you learning Seduction? Or, Long term Relationships? Coz…They both Might different destinations…(Unless your prepared to constantly seduce the same bird forever)
..The fruits along the way are tempting..
..Just be sure to keep in mind your destination for learning SpeedSeduction(R)
Best regards,
Your
Hung drawn and quatered,
Bush…
That is a GREAT name tho….isn it? !!
BTW When ROSS Guesses …That means He’s 99.9% Correct…
…Up until NOW I’ve not learnt how he does it but I WILL..
There I said IT…