Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
Have you ever encountered a “man hater”, a woman who is closed and has deep “man issues,” or a woman who you reasonably believe is only one slight nudge away from becoming a schlong slicer?
Are you one of those guys who seem to be a love-hate figure with the ladies? Meaning, some women strongly enjoy being around you and others instantaneously hate you, everything you stand for, and everything you like just because you like it?
Well, before worrying that you might have to change your name to Bobbitt, consider this.
Behind every angry response, look for the resentment, or jealousy or even most commonly, THE FEAR.
Maybe this woman who “hates” you has had pain from her past attraction to men whom she PERCEIVES you are like.
She associates pain to that attraction she felt to you because, in the past, men whom she PERCEIVES you are like, caused her pain (and/or she caused herself pain by her automatic reactions to these men, expecting more from them than they wanted, or something different than they wanted.
Just like the AFC chump/nice guy EXPECTS women to be attracted to his niceness and then is disappointed and angry and fearful when they don’t!
Congratulations on discovering something: women are human.
THEY HAVE AUTOPILOT RESPONSES and FALSE perceptions, just like us guys! They see things through the filters of the past and ASSUME that what they perceive is accurate and real.
In her mind, the possibility that you could have many of the attractive characteristics of these guys from the past, WITHOUT being arrogant or cruel or hurtful DOESN’T OCCUR TO HER. She only sees the potential to be hurt YET AGAIN.
And probably concludes, in addition, that she is DOOMED to be hurt and can NEVER find a guy she could be attracted to AND who will treat her well.
So, it goes back to her fear. If she was utterly neutral about it and didn’t have any charge on it at all, she would care less about you, one way or the other.
We OFTEN fear what we are attracted to, because that attraction can make us feel out of control. Or can remind us of past pain. It’s not hate – it’s F-E-A-R.
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. When you know what to look for and how to use a woman’s emotional responses, she will actually provide almost all of the energy for the seduction. This is just a sliver of what we’ll cover in our London 3-day seminar, which starts just seven days from now. You in? Click here to get your seat before it’s too late.
I had this type of situation ten years ago, where I used to work. It wasn’t a woman I was “interested in” but same kind of relational problem. For some reason, a woman in the accounting department just “had it in” for me. She’d publicly cause problems with my department’s purchase and cash requests (which I handled) and other forms of animosity aimed toward me personally, which she’d enlist her friends to assist her with from time to time.
After a couple months, someone whispered to me that part of the reason for it might be that I looked sort of like an ex-boyfriend of hers who had slapped her around. Rather than feel compassion toward her for having been abused, assuming this was true, I was outraged by her behavior toward me over something someone ELSE had done (so I was told).
I made up my mind to confront her very strongly and verbally punish her for what I now believed she had been doing. When I got to her desk, I vocalized to begin my little tirade but the words I actually spoke came out differently. My anger somehow became replaced and the words were something like this (with the most compassionate tone I could put next to them):
“I’m really not sure what I’ve done to make you dislike me so, if you’d like to share I’d like to know. But do know either way, that if I did say or do something, it was unintentional and probably a misunderstanding. I am, after all, still new here and you’ve worked here since the company was founded. I don’t need you to like me, but I would appreciate you dialing down all this and if you have questions about my paperwork, assuming that I am trying to do them correctly and giving me a chance to answer them before blasting off on me. I’m here to do a job, as are you, and I’d like to know what needs to happen to make it run smoothly from now on.”
She didn’t immediately respond, just stared at me, so I walked away, thinking, now, I had REALLY done it abd bracing myself for my boss to ask me for a “quiet word, in private.” But I never heard about it again. Though I noticed from that point forward, she behaved in a more civil manner toward me. We never really did become friends but eventually we were able to exchange pleasantries.
Not really sure the lesson I learned from this, other than to be assertive when I feel wronged and at least try to not explode in anger even when I feel rationally justified in doing so.
This is such a brilliant post, Ross! Thanks alot for sharing this!