Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
In previous posts here on Ross Jeffries Uncensored, I’ve explained the importance of clearly positioning your values.
Sometimes, seeming “just a tad pissed” when she violates your rules can be an effective screening tool and a way of drawing her closer (esp. when she has to, you know, make it up to you).
Today I want to expound just bit on the following: when you are first getting to know a woman, or are even in the early stages of an ‘involvement’, how do you lay down rules/set boundaries for what is acceptable or unacceptable in her behavior?
It’s simple.
Tell her.
Tell her NON-BLAMINGLY.
What does that mean?
It means:
- NO name calling.
- NO angry tonality (in this post I emphasize “calmly but with a bit of pissed off going” – NOT fuming, seething, spewing, or shouting – BIG difference in case that’s not clear)
- Saying what you WANT.
Let’s say that you and her have gotten to know each other pretty good. Her gym is around the corner from you and she’s starting a pattern of dropping by after her workout and expecting you to be available on a dime.
Again, you love having her around and you’re enjoying how things are going with her, but you can’t just drop everything, every single time.
You might say, “Listen…this is really important to me. If I don’t tell you, then it is my fault for being with-holding. But it’s like this: it’s important to me that the people around me respect my personal space. And what that means is that if you want to come by, please ask first. I love having you here, and I want you to be here alot, and (not BUT), I also need you to know that the space still belongs to me.”
That’s just one example.
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. For over 60 hours’ worth of examples to help you master any situation with any woman, crack open the door to the Speed Seduction® Total Immersion 2011 Seminar Footage Collection. It’s all online so you can be enjoying the teaching in less than 3 minutes from now.
Right on.
Holy cow. This is great stuff, Ross. That example is really effective.
Ross, this provokes a debate. If you have something else to do that is more important, why not just say, “Hey Debbie, it won’t be possible for us to meet today. I have to do X, but why don’t we meet up some othet time?” Doesnt that imply that you have a life, and when you both meet its at time when u both are mutually free. And at the same time I don’t think she’ll have a resistance to what you’re saying. Or maybe I just lack the confidence to say it like you Ross, I don’t know!!
Another thing I wanted to share. I said something like this to a girl after we’d made love. It was her turn to come and see me in my city but she was unsure and I just said…”well it just seems this is the last time we are meeting”. Her reaction was worthy of attention! She actually choked her throat and put her hand on her chest and was breathing heavily. She then said, “I’m a lone girl in a foreign country I dont know you for just 2 days. What would you do if you were in my place?” and then later on she even said something about unconditional love. What do u say to that Ross, whe she brings says that “Every woman dreams of having a bf who’d love her unconditionally”. I thought about it and told asked her back….Doesn’t unconditional love also mean regard and respect for the other person??
PS I made a huge mistake when I spoke my heart out in a blaming way! I didnt know how to do it right, and I was actually fuming and she told me that I was very reactive. Anyway that taught me how to get my point across in a better way, which as you say Ross, must be done without blame and fuming and seething…with the belief “Speaking my truth is more important to me than getting into your pants”. But getting this one right is a kind of skill I think and worthy of attention.
@Rheo,
You wrote:
“Another thing I wanted to share. I said something like this to a girl after we’d made love. It was her turn to come and see me in my city but she was unsure and I just said…”well it just seems this is the last time we are meeting”. Her reaction was worthy of attention! She actually choked her throat and put her hand on her chest and was breathing heavily. She then said, “I’m a lone girl in a foreign country I dont know you for just 2 days. What would you do if you were in my place?” and then later on she even said something about unconditional love. What do u say to that Ross, whe she brings says that “Every woman dreams of having a bf who’d love her unconditionally”. I thought about it and told asked her back….Doesn’t unconditional love also mean regard and respect for the other person??”
I think this was a great response. I do think her response was valid from her perspective. I think you could have paced her real concern and say, “Look: I get you. And i get that safety is important to you. And if you’ve trusted me enough to share being so close, then I’m asking that you trust that I will be kind and protect you when you come to me. And I need to see that you care enough to come to see me, because I hardly know you.”
I think your comment on unconditional love is great. But also, you could have said, “Isn’t doubting whether you are going to come see me putting a condition of fear on your love? How is that unconditional?”
PS I made a huge mistake when I spoke my heart out in a blaming way! I didnt know how to do it right, and I was actually fuming and she told me that I was very reactive. Anyway that taught me how to get my point across in a better way, which as you say Ross, must be done without blame and fuming and seething…with the belief “Speaking my truth is more important to me than getting into your pants”. But getting this one right is a kind of skill I think and worthy of attention.
Yes, but now you see where you are committed to learn and improve.
PS I made a huge mistake when I spoke my heart out in a blaming way! I didnt know how to do it right, and I was actually fuming and she told me that I was very reactive. Anyway that taught me how to get my point across in a better way, which as you say Ross, must be done without blame and fuming and seething…with the belief “Speaking my truth is more important to me than getting into your pants”. But getting this one right is a kind of skill I think and worthy of attention.
Another idea: If she loves hanging out with you so much why not just include her in whatever you are doing so that the job is done and she gets to spend time with you as well, unless its something that really requires her to be kept out??
THANK YOU!!
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I think there is another aspect of this as well. It’s totally covered in terms of DOING what this posts suggests and measuring your response, you’ll figure it out, but another way of looking at it is that she might not really know any better until you tell her.
The girl that asks you to buy her a drink in a bar might be just scamming for free drinks, but she might be really interested in you and just doesn’t know any Speed Seduction herself.
The only way to find out is to call her on it in a way that keeps the door open for her to do the right thing for you and her to get together.
@Ross
Thank you for the insight Ross. I just forgot to mention that she also said that in true love we don’t have to do anything to prove to each other that we love each other. So while you say that her real concern was safety and security, I thought she was making an excuse to flake or somehow playing a very subtle power game, so I always met that with even more willingness to walk away, which of course ultimately resulted in her telling me that, “I just feel that you could love me one moment and leave me the other moment”. Anywway we broke up in the end. I left because I felt she not treating me with respect and priority. She’d take two days to return my calls and 10 days passed without her emailing back and I just said, “Fuck it, I’m out of here”. But I confess I buckled after 10 days and tried to get her back because somewhere I felt I acted out of haste too. So I told her that maybe I should have been more patient and sorry for breaking up over a email but she wouldn’t ever reply my email after that or return my call. But as I did all this I always told her that, “If it doesn’t feel right to you just tell me and I’ll tg away because I don’t want to be an annoyance to somebody if they do not make me feel like I’m welcome in their life”. She never replied to this and in the end (after 2 months) I told her that she was a liar and that she was an energy vampire to make me wait and not be clear with me even if it was a no. I deleted her from my FB and told her that I was letting her go without getting really nasty out of pure compassion for her next boyfriend and not her, because I didnt want him to suffer because of some irresponsible thing I told her. I also said to her that she taught me a real lesson and next time I meet a woman like her, I’ll never make a commitment and just F*** her and dump her in 47 minutes! I just wanted to somehow hurt her because she was being a real bitchy ice queen type and she was trying to hurt and trample me real bad.