Dear Seeker of Success,
There seems to be some confusion on the topics of being tested by women, screening women, women taking the lead, and fractionation.
A question I get asked fairly often: is there a difference between the “tests” women try to put men through on his journey to the Province of Poon vs. a man’s (or for that matter a woman’s) efforts to screen prospects to find the mate they find most appealing?
Is giving in to her “tests” a form of desperate supplication?
To understand this, we must properly define a few terms.
Some of it can be accurately viewed as “tests”; meaning that the person is seeking a response that may not be consciously in their awareness and also is not expressed directly.
That is a HUMAN trait. We ALL do this. Men AND women.
What I have learned, when it comes to sex, is that many of what “seem” like tests are actually about her needs. Such as:
Trust – being well led (but not 100%; it’s fun to give over the lead and many women can handle taking it for a while to some extent).
And most importantly:
Women Need To Be FRACTIONATED
When it comes to sex/intimacy etc. women need fractionation.
Often, what SEEMS like resistance or pulling away or testing is just her own way of fractionating her connecting to you so that it is more appealing when the connection returns.
I really do NOT think this is at all conscious. It’s just what they, hard-wired in the brain, NEED to feel sufficiently aroused etc.
They aren’t testing for “strength” etc etc in these cases. They just are attempting to “self medicate” in a sense and assist the process of their own desire.
Many guys, with our driving need to penetrate, penetrate, PENETRATE NOW NOW NOW have a hard time grasping this concept.
Think this over and let it penetrate your brain. It will raise your ability to perceive what’s really going on around you.
Peace,
RJ
P.S. Attaining true Sexual Aggression Mastery gives you the toolset and mindset you need when she suddenly gets resistant or scared about the two of your making out and pulls away. This is just one of many things we cover in Rapid and Total Success With Women.
[…] the rest here: Do Her “Tests” Automatically Make You A Desperate Supplicator? No […]
In hypnosis during an induction I will break the process momentarily only to begin again, and I find that this deepens the trance with my clients. Could fractionation be a similar process?
@Allistair Exactly
It’s all part of the dynamics in conversation.. a million things going on including extra-verbal content.. also state of mind of both parties. And many times, I find, that often, myself, will automatically say something (whether it be a joke/ambiguity, or ‘test’, or something playful) just because it *felt* appropriate at the time to say it (though more and more.. I try to quickly analyze with my reason to make sure it makes sense and context is understood to recipient.. if not I say, “nevermind; you won’t get it. However, …” and then move onto something else).
Usually you gotta fill the interaction with content (otherwise silence tends to produce a bit of awkwardness in many situations) and that content provided is not always deliberately thought-out.. (that’s for writing letters.. not talk live in-person). Many times, I surprise myself of how an interaction comes out because it is a partially subconscious process the words and themes we talk about. Even more weird.. I often mis-attribute what I said to someone else.. that is I have amnesia about what I discussed with whom and where and when.
Now after making my comment here, I now understand even more what you mean, “Do not take first response as written in stone.”
Consider that in fact! She does a “shit-test” on you.. (which, btw: I don’t frame or label ever as that.. or even a “test” for that matter because it could mean a million things or be content filler that means nothing.. just something seemingly pleasant to keep continuity in the conversation/interaction) She may as well not even remember saying it an hour later!! Or, if she recalls the content.. she may think it was from some episode of Sex in the City (which I was always disappointed with btw.. I remember when I was 11 I would try and stay up and watch it but they never had any orgies… Just pillow talk! pssh!) therefore never attributing it to you.
I guess most of these worries are really no worries at all.. as long as the Man takes the lead and knows what kinds of content to give her mind to ruminate on.. like seeing herself taking on a magnificent new direction and looking back onto today as having been start of something totally ful-filling and truly wonderful. With me, I think that’s it how happens. Now, I’m done writing. =)
I like this perspective. It might take a while to really penetrate my thinking and behavior, but I have been noticing these sorts of things lately.
I think some of it also has to do with really keeping the context in mind, and women are the absolute worst about conflation. What I mean is, somewhere along the line I got it in my behavior that it should be like an immediate demonstration of what kind of husband you would be. So sending your wife a sweet text when you get to work every morning might be a good thing. Doing so with a girl you just met is definitely not.
I bring that up in the context of fraction because the same principle applies. If you’re life partners with someone, you’re going to have some focused discussions about life plans together. She’ll probably still fractionate you to the edge of insanity, but at least you might have some hope of having a discussion with a purpose that you both agree upon and come back to.
When you just meet someone in the attraction phase, women can be just fucking insane about going from one topic to another “exploring their feelings”, which is where the 4-5 stages model really comes in handy – just knowing that in phase one you’re not trying to be her man, your just testing (and amplifying 😉 surface level attraction and any lingering dating behaviors would just fuck it all up again.
I’m beginning to internalize the stages of attraction. I don’t fantasize about her ass right away. I check it out for 1/2 a second to make sure it has potential, but any more than that doesn’t get me any closer to getting it. Attraction is a pretty quick step for me. The current challenge is finding someone interesting and doing everything I can to open the door for her to be as interesting as she can be.
Having written all that, I guess I’m still thinking of my own attraction as that 1/2 second of checking out her ass and I would do well to expand that to personality and common interests.
I know I’m maybe getting 1% of what others are out of Speed Seduction, but it’s assisted me in improving my social life more than anything else I’ve done, if only because it holds my interest enough to learn from it and it never really puts me in the category of someone who is ‘defective’ for not being born and raised with a certain ability.
Is fractionation like an advanced form of Push–pull?
A very cool take on resistance here. Ross, your perspective on female thought patterns has always fascinated my wing and I, and we’ve credited you countless times while teaching others. Thank you.
-Ma$e @ thejournalbook.com
Another “test” if you want to view it that way is, “If I pull away, will he chase after me? Will he get demanding? Will he get angry? Is he needy? I hate needy guys….can he do without my giving him my attention and validation?”
Much of this is pre or NON verbal. I don’t think it’s often consciously thought out, explicitly. It’s just what she’s learned to do.