Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
A student of mine recently shared an interesting problem he’s been having with picking up women.
During his AFC days he frequently faced rejection by women who outright said, in various words, that they’d never condescend to being seen in public with the likes of him.
But in today’s world he often gets resistance from women who have a hard time handling a man like HIM – as in, they’re not used to a man of his caliber showing interest in them.
Here is a typical thing that a woman might say:
“You really have it together, you’re successful, you’re going places, and I know you’re the kind of man who knows how to make his woman happy. But you have to understand, I’m just not used to guys like you being interested in me and I’m uncomfortable with this whole thing.”
My student also says that women, in the same vein, say they feel “intimidated” by him, which he doesn’t understand because in the same breath they say how easy-going and fun they think he is and how much they enjoy being around him.
Okay: part of what we’re seeing here is a by-product of how much this student has improved his girl-getting game. These same women, who would have looked down their nose at him just two years ago, now aren’t sure if they could handle a man as GOOD as him in their lives? Could be, the forbidden fruit has become the low-hanging fruit.
Another question: what do Warren Beatty, Jack Nicholson, Gene Simmons, Donald Trump, Francois Mitterand, Wilt Chamberlain, George Clooney, and Julio Iglesias have in common?
First, they’re each credited with having slept with hundreds, if not thousands, of women. Second, not ALL of the women they took to Cape Carnal-Veral were famous or even well-connected actors, singers, politicians, supermodels, or business magnates. Third, I’m willing to bet at least some of their bedmates, to THIS DAY, can’t quite figure out why any of these men would have been interested enough in HER to go to bed with her.
So when a woman poses this sort of resistance – ask yourself the following questions:
- Could it be that what she’s really saying is “I don’t think I really deserve a good man?”
- Maybe she’s throwing up resistance because she realizes you just may be the man she’s always dreamed of, and she recognizes that if she take a new direction with you, it will change her life dramatically? All forms of change are scary – even GREAT ones – because they probe unfamiliar territory.
- What can you do right now to reframe the experience? Does negation apply here?
Now let’s explore it from a different angle:
- There was a time when this woman would have put you down for having “deluded yourself” into thinking you had the “right” to ask her out. Now, here she is, saying you might be too good for her. How are YOU handling it?
- In showing interest in this woman, has the forbidden fruit, indeed, become the low-hanging fruit? Does this mean you could “up” your choice in women? If she’s someone you are truly interested in for reasons that are right for you, then great, GO FOR IT. But, check in with yourself, are you “settling” or looking for the validation of an “easy score”?
- What internal resistance might be stopping you from taking a bold step forward?
Please, share your thoughts and comments in the form below this post. Tell me what YOU think.
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. Women are universally attracted to confident men. Women operate mostly by feelings – and less about money, age or looks. Women’s brains are hardwired to respond to certain emotional triggers. To learn more about how all this works, click here now.
What you are saying here is quite interesting. I have been studying game now for about eighteen months. I am a slow learner. However, I too have started to see women giving me the eye and seeing them light up a little when I talk to them. It is hard to explain just why, because I really do not know exactly what it is they see in me that was different than before, after all, I am still the same person. It often happens that a woman will look at me from across the street. That very rarely if ever happened before. I am also 49 years old with grey hair. Not exactly the most desirable of guys. LOL!
Hello Ross, thank you for your work! I am new and learning your teachings, this article I do find interesting. Could this be a good problem to have? : ) Maybe to much of a good thing…. Anyways, I am starting to incorporate the thought processes you envision men to have to change our world. I am continuing my education and look forward to moving forward. Enjoy, and thank you! Derrick Orberg
She feels inferior because she was abused as a child, and is telling him this in the hope that he can make it better for her, free the way for her. This sounds intense, but it is true.
First of all I’m no expert on such an issue..
what I can say is that maybe those women are saying in a way that he is not their type. I will also make a bold statement by saying that those women with those excuses weren’t attracted to him. He had some comfort and pleasant times with them yet the sexual attraction was not there at the time.
In addition Ross, those women are probably pondering: “what more is there to you than just that?”
No I dont hate this man who has come a long way nor the women in the story. I wish him and those women well.
Sounds like he needs to build more connection with the women he is meeting, he is not making them comfortable enough/lacks good enough rapport….
I talked with a woman at the local library four times now. When I first ran into her, I wasn’t fully sarging her, but there’s always some of that even when you think you you only want to talk. This lady is not pretty and she’s starting to get close to the middle aged area of life. She would be about a 6, decent looking, not fat, what people may have once called a handsome looking girl. It’s fun talking to interesting women and she did come off as interesting and confident. We shared several areas. so I couldn’t help myself and started calibrating her and also put out an energy finger in her direction to get a read on her beyond what she was saying. What I received back from my “read” was that she packs a lot of sexually heat, and it’s subconscious to her. I picked two movies off the libraries movie DVD section and said to her, “You should watch these movies. You will love them.”
I saw her again a week later and I was still thinking she would be a friendly face to talk to over subjects we both liked. We talked for a while, but I didn’t initiate any touching as I would if I wanted to sarge. The words were a little more flirting. Toward the end I recommended a third movie, and that’s when she said, “I did really LOVE those movies you recommended. How did you know I would enjoy them so much?” I replied, “Well, I actually listen to people, and you’ll love this third movie even more.”
I came back after two more weeks, as she is a volunteer at that library and is there every week at that time. It was toward the end of her work period that day. She looked both happy to see me, but there was something else. Upon seeing me she said, “That third movie you recommended to me was great. It’s one of my favorites now. I find it a bit scary that you almost instantly could choose three such movies for me.” She also said she had to leave quick that day, but I didn’t let her get away without first taking her hand between the two of mine and caressing it, and I gave her shoulder a couple of pats with a lingering touch just before she walked away. I had decide to sarge her for real. One of the things I discovered while calibrating her the first two times was that this lady has a terrific imagination, and that by itself might be a good enough reason to have a female for a girlfriend.
I came back a few days ago to have a long visit with her. After touching her hand early on, she initiated most of the touching. Yet her confidence was gone. She stated telling me she has bouts of depression and takes Zoloft for them. She said she has a roommate named Sandy, and that Sandy is the “pick of the litter,” and that if we dated and I became more interested in Sandy, that it would be okay. All this was going on while she continued to show affection with her hands and eyes. She started firing compliment after compliment at me. I, obviously, ask her if we could go to someplace else after her work. She claimed she couldn’t, but eagerly exchanged phone numbers with me. Her compliments were too strong, and I began to understand why women don’t want to be shoved on a pedestal.
I called her the next morning to see if I could get her to go on a walk or something, and someone else answered, then gave the phone to her. She said she had talked it over with her roommate Sandy, and that Sandy would have to come along if we went out someplace together. WTF, I was thinking, and I had to stifle a laugh. Then I just said, “I’ll have to think that over, I’ll give you a buzz in a few days.” I then hung up, as I didn’t know what else to ask or say.
I was thinking of going back to the library during her work period one more time this next week. Any ideas about what I might do to break through resistance? I find this amusing at this point, and may just move on anyway.
Dear Ross i never understand womens, tryed all the time but…, so i am becaming a fan of your “speed seduction”, it is very interesting to me listen your advice.(sorry for my english, i speak better than read:))
It is still premature for me give an opinions on this argoment, i am taking confidence with your sistem
Thanks to send to me the video, i also ordered a book written from you.
Ross you helped me change my ENTIRE life…enough said. I believe that women are better at self regulating themselves in society than men are. What I mean is they obviously know their place (because they put themselves there) and will seek out the person that will prove that status. With that said it’s best to seek high self esteem, fun, intelligent girls (just like Ross always says). By the way the same thing has been happening to me lately and I’m at a transition stage where I’m trying hotter and hotter women. Definitely out of my comfort zone but that’s the whole point of this right?! By the way watch “There Will Be Blood” for inspiration on what it takes to be a man. Once you see this you’ll understand that there comes a time to kill that inner child, especially when it comes to becoming a man….
peace and pussy….
. “I am also 49 years old with grey hair. Not exactly the most desirable of guys. LOL!’
according to who? nix the brainwashing
It would seem to me that a woman who doesn’t think she “deserves” you is suffering from one of two things:
1) She is insecure.
2) She’s right!
My current girlfriend seems to be suffering from the second a bit. She is an attractive girl, don’t get me wrong… but I am very ambitious and know how to please a woman in ways she has never experienced before.
If this is the case for you, and you want a monogamous relationship with her, you MUST let her know that she “does it” for you. That you want her and find her sexy etc.
I would respond to her by saying: Well, blow me… in a new direction! That’s a most insightful compliment. In other words, you would normally … make a pass … on other guys who don’t meet the level of confidence and maturity that you can … feel on … the right person, huh? Well, I’m sure that if we put our feelings together we can … close off … any negative vibe, agreed?
I think that you should not have taken her hand and caressed it, or patted her on the back. A pat on the back is a friendly thing, not a romantic thing. Both the wrong type of kino. Should have come off a bit stronger. Also you have had many opportunities to perform a take-away and many IOIs that indicate she wants to be taken. Could have kiss closed in the library if you could have found a quiet spot. You are quickly falling into the friends zone.
Oh, as an afterthought.
I am no psychologist or pua expert, but:-
If I was a woman and my flatmate was able to seduce any guy she wanted, but no matter how well and obviously I presented myself in the library, I just do not get taken, I think I would be depressed too!
It would be interesting if this student could tell newbies like me his own story and give specific examples of some of the patterns he used that worked well almost every time.
Its cool you’re a Virgo like me RJ-we tend to be grounded people. I desire to be positive and respectful to all humans as wer’e all in this together. I notice and appreciate that facet of your vast personality and genius RJ.
RJ-I have to tell you man I’m dealing with a lot of emotional pain and still feel incompetent with women. Iv’e got Speed Seduction 3.0, the 3 dvd Power pick up series, and Nail YOur Inner Game. I have a Jewish friend who speaks in metaphor about people in general, he said for some people just getting started in the morning feels like swimming across the English Channel. Sadly, I’m one of those people and would love to be free of my continual emotional pain. Would you be willing to extend my warranty as a courtesy to allow me time to work through my problems and see some hope and change manifest themselves in my life? If I succeed I’d be honored to give a testimonial about my success.
Attractive women lean heavily on the “let’s be friends” response. Watch how attractive women communicate this message to men. It leaves most guys thinking that they still have a change if they are just “nice” enough. In fact they do not have any chance, and the kinds of “friendships” they settle for are less than you deserve. My point is this. When the tables are turned and your AFC days are behind you, it is you duty as a man to give her the low down up front. Tell the truth. Tell her you just want to be friends. Then excuse yourself and go circulate.
“Women operate mostly by feelings – and less about money, age or looks.” – True, but the problem is their feelings are usually driven by money, age, and looks.
I’ve got to agree with mark and jerry in the beginning. He’s missing something. It’s almost like they are putting him in the friend zone ! Other than being confident and funny did he sexually flirting with them ? Unfortunately in game you need all your ducks to line up or at least the one’s she likes in order to turn the key of love !
all very interesting. wish i understood what is going on.
Question is, do you really want her? I think that’s what she’s really asking because she doesn’t want to “invest” the time with someone who can do better if you eventually will.
Hi RJ and All,
As always there are a number of elements in play here, so we should break them out.
1) Fractionation; Are you coming in at 500Mph with no let up in the patterns and techniques? I can’t say for sure from the brief extract above but 1 of the side-effects of constant thrust is that the lady is over-whelmed. Oscillation by-passes that outcome by using thinking time, pacing and mental space.
2) I would suggest that you use the principles behind Ross’s bore-friend destroyer VM techniques, as they become relevant here. Why? Well, they direct the girl to use her sub-conscious thinking paths to come-up with her own conclusions, as to why she should be with you. That can create (if used correctly) a very powerful connection. Because it is based on her rationale.
The role of negation, could be useful. I guess it depends on how you use it. You could use a cocky playful tone and say with a smile; “Yeah, your right. I’m TOO good for you! We’d just have TOO much fun…!!” And then go circulate! Let her imagine what “fun” might mean and remove her rationalising qualifier.
Thats all I got on this. HTH.
Andee
Demographics. Up your game. Check your hunting license, you may be hunting mice on your elephant license. Am I getting thru? You’ve gotten better: play where the games are better, and the rewards,too.
Your Uncle Ross gave you the keys to an interesting Universe.When he turned your scouring pad, lackey, into a wand and a sword that could open fabulous vaults of pleasure, why are you still in the kitchen?
RJ-let me add that your products have already helped me by unlocking the courage in me to approach 2 women in the past 4 days. I need no refund.
I don’t want to be a “shit can” (that will be added to my vocabulary) wasting your precious time. What I’m learning about human psychology alone is worth the investment. Youv’e helped me by giving me the tools to become braver already. In the past, Iv’e done therapy and howling about how bad it is because you didn’t get a little green army truck with a ma deuce when I was 5 will keep anyone down and therapists busy.
Your practical, kick ass, and I’m getting bolder by the day. Thank you man. These women are silly and just need some HARD sarging..haha.
@Joey Welcome to the Kingdom of Sarge
RJ
To comment on the original blog: when a woman says this she (rightfully) is recognizing that his value (or status or level of charisma or whatever you want to call it) is too high in relation to hers and to what she is accustomed to experiencing.
So when a guy like that shows interest, it is overwhelming and to some extent there is a trust issue. They’re thinking “he must be just interested in me for one thing, a guy like him can attract more socially outgoing, prettier girls so he is just looking for a quickie, otherwise why would he even bother?” She also does not want to get her hopes up that she has enough value to get a guy like that, in her mind -sometimes it’s better to not experience something that amazing at all rather than to enjoy it momentarily and then have it taken away. Seems warped but I understand that frame. So how should he respond?
He could do some negation patterning on the spot with clever use of embedded commands in order to make her realize she may be missing a really special opportunity and that she should “go for it”.
He could also use the metaphor approach in which he could tell a story about his friend Lisa who studied acting in College but turned down a good role in a play bcz she felt she was not good enough for that role and how she really regretted it because it is not something that comes along often.
He could reframe this and use time line distortion to help her see that in the future, she can always look back on the time they spent together as being something she really cherishes and can enjoy again and again even if it is just in her memory. That way she does not have to feel as if she had something taken away from her that can’t experience again and thus mitigates any fear of having a sense of loss.
AND most importantly he does need to realize that if he is consistently getting this response he may be showing too much interest too soon and needs to calibrate. If a woman does not feel she is worthy enough to have a guy like him interested in her, he might need to let her ‘prove’ her worthiness a little more first before showing any interest.
Last but not least it is also a sign he needs to start approaching prettier more socially confident women!
Ross
This seems like a simple case of a sedated version of a shit test, my advice, quite simply go for it – kiss close, another one chalked to the side of your bed post & goodnight.
Well, maybe he’s acting too much as a polished pick up artist. He might need to create more trust and use more often the vybe of vulnerability/honesty.
(Sorry if my english is bad, Im from Portugal)