Dear Seeker of Success,
I firmly believe that your “Inner Game” is a huge (if not the most important) element for your success with women.
Now, there are lots of elements of Inner Game.
So many so, that may do a series on it. (Comment below if you’d like that).
But in my 28 yrs of teaching, I’ve discovered two attitudes that scuttle/ruin most guys from really making big leaps toward the success with women they truly want.
They are the two extremes of demanding on the one hand, and despairing on the other.
Demanding essentially translates into feeling you are entitled to success with women. Holding on to this attitude generates resentment, impatience, and, perhaps most deadly, devastates your ability to learn from your experiences. And that means you are screwed when it comes to honing the skills you need to make the big leaps.
Despairing is just as bad. It means clinging on to the old experiences of defeat, failure and inconsolable sadness that is mostly comprised of self-talk like, “I am a failure with women” or “What’s the point? I’ll only get rejected.”
Even worse, it will cause you to review your “failures” over and over again, thus reprogramming them back into your brain.
Sucks, huh?
Now, the most confusing aspect of all of this is that guys who are really stuck often bounce back and forth between the two bad attitudes. One minute they are demanding. The next they are despairing.
In between these two attitudes lays the delicious, fertile place of new possibilities and beyond success with women, walking through the world and sculpting your own experience.
To reach that place is not easy.
The journey there is one of courage, a willingness to risk, and a motivation that is realistic and makes sense for you.
I’m honored to help you along as you do so.
If this post has touched you please comment below and spread the word as well.
May 2017 be the year your rock your world. And the worlds of the women you truly desire.
Peace,
RJ
i think i am looking forward to 2017.
no dispair, no demand, right? 🙂
and i wanted to write that i wish you and for what you stand for a SUUUUPER year 2017 as well.
“maybe rock will not lay the initial delicious place initially.”
i am VERY interessted about you talking about inner game.
i guess in an article, NOT SO MUCH about: that it is difficult.
NOT SO MUCH that you need courage and it is risky.
concrete examples that make the imagination dance.
christian from prague
i am not saying that i know how to spell honour though! 🙂
ps: after my meditation seminar i left away the sports recently and am doing very gentle kundalini mantras every day before work. it is a using a different system. not pushin. no energy wasting resistance (in a callcenter) this seems 1 delicious technique and a new thing that I am experienting with currently.
hey Christian, without pushing you – it’s time to return home
Ross, have you ever had those shitty days where you walk outside for an hour or so but you don’t approach anyone and all the negative emotions and brain chatter comes up? How did you deal with this as a newbie if you ever had to deal with it?
Andreas, I do have those days. I do some stuff to get to a “neutral” state, usually breathing and a little self-hypnosis and meditation or even take a nap!
RJ
Great post, the place where you give them the freedom to respond
as they wish, without placing any demands on them, or drowning them in
your insecurities, just truly connectingg …
Great stuf … you should totally do a series on inner game, your one of two/three
people that I wholly trust on that subject … will help me and other guys out.
Or you can not do, your choice, either wax … Happy Hanukah and new years
Adis,
I could do a webinar on the topic. Stay tuned.
RJ
Put simply wow right on 80% demanding and 20% despairing for me ,the back and fourth is so right bad pattern would love to have a MP3 hypnosis to get me away from this behaviour .The demanding is a obstacle to learning.
Paul, I have no product on this and don’t have in mind to create them.
But if you bring it up in one of the calls we do on my coaching program, I’ll address it.
http://www.rjcoaching.com
RJ
Awesome Ross! Ever since I went through the process of installing the four vibes I definitely went from -“oh creepy short guy” to smiles, hand touches and even some jealousy between co-workers. By no means am I a total success. I definitely have a long way to go and could always improve. Is it a good idea to repeat the process to further instill and really embrace the four vibes?
-el Padawan
Ryan, thanks for the props. Yes by all means wash, rinse and repeat!
I’ve said repeatedly that your inner game program has made the most difference for me. While the rest might translate to cultures other than southern California, I’ve lost more nibbles than I’ve reeled in using “patterns” vs just being present and listening to a woman and allowing my naturally attractive qualities to present themselves as an interaction allows. IMO what I personally need is friends to go out with our something to socialize around. Just going out alone is enough to be considered a total loser where I’m at and no amount of slick language changes that impression. Or maybe I need to move to a less backwoods metropolis. I seriously can’t remember the last time I talked to a woman wasn’t immediately pissed off about it.
Hmmmm…I’ve never had a woman get pissed off for me talking to them in quite some time, but maybe the dynamic is truly different where you are.
Ross, I think you’re right about this. And this is an issue that people deal with in so many areas. In fact, I’ve found myself bouncing between these two crappy attitudes in my business more than a few times. Digs you into the ground and makes you hate everyone else and eventually yourself… Excited to see what’s to come. 🙂
Thanks Joshua. I agree, it’s a systemic issue across all walks of life. I wrestle with it myself more than I would like to, for sure.
Magnificently said! In the past I was always stick between these too, of course it stills happens to me. But I’m practicing everyday to push my boundaries and be more courageous than ever. Don’t want to concentrate on behaviours, but 5 days ago, I was kissing a girl, who has stopped my previous attempts to kiss her in the past and I could see there was much deeper connection between us then ever before that night, so there’s a progress. Still a long way to go.
Oliver, that’s excellent. Pushing boundaries and the willingness to do so is the ultimate act of human courage-and that’s what makes it sexy.
I’m proud of you. Keep going.
RJ
The middle way is a delicious, fertile place. That’s where the breakthroughs occur. The two extremes of demanding and despairing are each indicated by a self talk. For demanding we might tell ourselves, “This pattern must work like a magic spell because I practiced it a hundred times word for word”. For despairing we might tell ourselves, “It doesn’t matter how much I sarge because a rolling stone gathers no moss, blah, blah, blah”. What is the self talk when one is in the sweet spot? “I don’t know where this is going but I like the energy and love the sound of her laughing”?
Gobbo, I love that. “I don’t know where this is going, but I like the energy and I love the sound of her laughing.”
State tends to be really important. Especially in an emotionally charged area like with women. I had experienced frustration and rage, massive sadness and apathy. But I held on, I hung in there and the results there were there were creeping, incremental and stunningly obvious! Despite that there would still be effort from me.
The leap from incremental to exponential occurs when we get out of your old way of seeing things.
It’s like agriculture.
The whole idea that you didn’t have to keep hunting and gathering and staying on the move but could actually cultivate crops and domesticate your food source was revolutionary.
Without that notion, if I handed some primitive person some seeds, they’d eat them for energy on the trail rather than get the idea of planting them.
RJ
It sounds a lot like the issues I deal with. I have the old the Speed Seduction courses, but I tend to fall back into these attitudes when I start taking everything to seriously and forgetting it’s just a game.
Thanks for this article Ross, up until now I had been the guy oscillating between these two destructive states. I would very much look forward to more inner game material from you.
thanks,
Richard
Richard, I think this is very, very common patterns for humans. It’s not the ultimate poison-that would be craving, aversion and greed/hate.
RJ
Yes, sounds good. Have you thought of doing podcasts and putting them on youtube; in regards to topics relating to all the different areas of approaching? Merry new year.
Well this found like the resurgence of the UnstoppableConfidence course which works for bursts of the confident mindset you speak of but it just doesn’t stay?!
… and is it really a matter of impatience when you refuse to deal with lies, the light switch syndrome where they’re switching off and on without notice, or unknowingly getting caught up in Mrs where some other guy wants to fight behind her?