Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
Recently on my Twitter channel, someone asked me, “I just broke up with my girlfriend. How did you get over your break up so fast? Two years is a long time to date someone.”
Now in case you don’t know, this guy is talking about the fact that I recently ended my nearly two year relationship with the wonderful Swedish sweetheart, Pernilla. And I’m already out there sarging and having fun flexing my super-powers.
However, I have to correct what this guy said. I am NOT “over” it. In fact, I miss Pernilla dearly.
Does that sound strange to you? That a Seduction Guru-no, make that THE Seduction Guru-should miss his now ex-girlfriend?
Well, it shouldn’t. I never said you shouldn’t love a girl. Of course I’ve loved Pernilla. How could I not? She’s smart as hell, fun, sexy, sweet and very, very funny.
In fact, I miss her every day. And here is the key. Once I acknowledge that missing, I make a choice about what I am going to do with it.
So I don’t just say, “I miss Pernilla” although that’s true. I add something to it. What do I add? I add, “and, I claim my ownership and management of that missing to the point where I stay happy, focused, grounded and productive, continuing to draw awesome women into my life who love and please me sexually, emotionally, mentally and physically”.
Let’s parse over that huge mouthful for you a bit:
- I don’t stop with the feelings. I don’t stuff them or fight them, but they are not the end of it and they aren’t what controls the situation. I start with them. I don’t end with them.
- I add in my “and”. Not “but”. “AND”. Saying “and” acknowledges as true what comes before it as remaining true, but not the end of the story.
- I then go on to use a powerful word: “claim”. That means I am making a choice from power, not reacting from pain. You could also use “choose” or even “create”. I like “claim”. As in claiming a prize, or claiming your car from the valet. (Note: I’m not saying that there isn’t pain. I’m saying I’m not reacting from it. Get the distinction?)
- Then I go on to use two more powerful words: “ownership” and “management”. Now what does it mean to have “ownership” and to have “management”? These words indicate that I am in charge of my missing and that I am directing what I do with it. It opens the mind circuits to expand outwards and make some smart choices.
- What’s next? “To the point where” This means that the ownership and management is directed to an outcome. It is going to produce something good for me.
- Finally, a good, fairly specific description of the outcome. Note I don’t just talk about being happy and productive. I state what that is designed to do for me, what the outcome of that direction is: having more great women who please me. Please me how? I state the various ways. Being specific like this gives the mind even better directions on what to do with the thoughts and feelings to produce results in the world.
Now listen: in addition to this, I do my daily meditation practice. That really helps handle whatever raw feelings come up. I can watch them come and go, feel them, but not spin stories around them or buy into them or identify with them. I don’t suppress but I don’t identify either.
And that, my friends and students, is real power and choice. It is true emotional freedom that sets you free to live your world from the emotional truth and from choice into power.
You can learn to transmute your difficult thoughts and emotions into true freedom, power and choice right here.
Peace and piece,
RJ
P.S. Make no mistake: I still have some tough moments. I’ve loved Pernilla dearly, loved the great times we shared, and will always honor her as one of the best friends I have. She’s earned that love from me many times over.
P.P.S. It’s a good feeling to practice what I preach. What I practice and preach is right here.
P.P.P.S. As a person of integrity, I have to acknowledge that I learned this skill set of language mastery that I’m conveying here from the work of Robert Tennyson Stevens. I don’t like some of Bob’s “biblical” fascinations, but his work about consciouslly using language is unsurpassed. I recommend his Conscious Language CD course. You can find it at http://www.masterysystems.com. I absolutely hate it when people take or teach from my work without acknowledging their source, and I’ll be damned if I behave that way. So go check out Bob’s work for yourself, even if it costs me money, it’s the right thing to do.
Thanks! Great post. You are always light years ahead of it all and address real concerns for guys out there.
Dangerous
I am wondering if Ross has any tips on regaining a lost love. I own the home study course and would love to get some info from him on this. I read his book and it says why focus on the one you lost, when there are so many other women out there. This lady is the mother of my one and only child. I miss her and have sarged on, but would love to rikindle that old flame. I have read some stuff from others on the subject with minimal success, and then screwed it up with a horrible comment during an argument. She has told me that we will never get back together but also said she still has a place in her heart for me. Any help would be great.
Learn to manage your negative thinking. When you are depressed, you will tend to think of negative things. When this happens remind yourself that worry exaggerates the problems you have and that things will get better. Try to avoid negative thoughts and remain positive.
After ending a relationship, try to remind yourself that you will meet other people and make new friends. Try to go to places where you can meet other people and just be yourself. You never know when you might make a new friend. The trick is not to sit at home and feel depressed. You need to go out and be around people. This will increase your chances of developing new relationships.
If you still have trouble then maybe you should talk to a counselor. A counselor could give you additional insights on how to get over a relationship. This would be a good way to learn more about yourself in the process.
Remember that just because you ended a relationship does not mean that you will be alone for the rest of your life. People come and go and with that relationships develop and end. The key is to be the best person you can be and just be yourself. You will feel better a lot faster if you stay active and make the effort to make new friends.
Dear Ross, in NYIG towards the end of the module you say that, “I forbid you to do this any more than you sarge.” Well I’m not a hardcore sarger and will doing too much of it be bad? I actually feel much better and lighter. In the begining (the first 3 days) I meditated on the feelings for almost 3 hours but everytime I came out clean. And throughtout the day I tried to breathe deeply and include the pauses, even during carrying out my routines. And anytime I felt I was in the danger of buying into the feelings I’d set everything aside and transmute. On priority. Seems to work pretty well for me. Do you think I’m doing ok?
And the belief I was using was “I start attaching lesser and lesser importance”, but I like this belief. Its very precise. Thank you once again.