Dear Speed Seduction® Student,
In the last issue, I explained how exercising the 3 S’s of standards, selectivity and screening allows you to go from chasing to choosing, from pick-up to taking your pick.
In this issue, I’d like to discuss
Fatal Mistake With Women #8: Aiming At The Wrong Kind
Of Confidence
Ok; we have all heard the “truth” that women are attracted to confidence, that men should be confident with women, etc. etc. etc.
Well, one of my jobs as a teacher is to point out where half-formed, unclear, and misleading ideas are blocking your progress, and to assist you in finding better and more useful ones to take their place.
The reality is, there is more than one kind of “confidence” and if you try for the wrong one, you will actually screw up your progress and seriously block your success.
The problem for most guys is that they try for what I call “performance confidence”.
Performance confidence simply means that you have done something very well 1000 times, so the 1001st time is no big deal. You reasonably expect you’ll do well on that 1001th repetition.
The challenge is that it is impossible to have performance confidence at something you’ve done very little of or always done poorly.
Yet most guys won’t really consistently try out any kind of new moves with women…
…. Unless They Are Certain Beforehand That They Will Do The New Moves Perfectly!
So what happens? They wind up never trying and never having any skill or certainty. That’s the impossible challenge of trying to have performance confidence prior to doing any performing!
I’ve seen this loop a thousand times in students, and the funny thing is these guys usually have incredible theoretical knowledge. They often are collectors with huge piles of books, tapes, cd’s, videos, dvd’s and ebooks in their archives, but they still can’t talk to women to save their lives!
Now, don’t get me wrong; new knowledge is important, critical and vital.
But you can’t wait until you somehow magically get perfect at something BEFORE you try it. The equation just doesn’t work!
Instead you should at aim at a combination of two other kinds of confidence: “rehearsal confidence” and “acceptance confidence”.
Rehearsal confidence involves vividly rehearsing, in your imagination, how you would like to feel, think, act, sound, look and behave in various situations.
Given enough rehearsal in the proper relaxed, receptive learning state, all kinds of new responses and behaviors can be wired in so they feel much more like second nature when you do go out and try them out in the real world.
Notice that last part: when you try them out in the real world.
The problem with too much rehearsal confidence is that some guys live so much in their heads, that giving them rehearsal strategies and methods may only serve to reinforce the “all thinking, no doing” loop.
That’s why it is often most useful to rely more on what I call “acceptance confidence”.
With acceptance confidence, you do not try to pump yourself up before you take a step, and nor do you buy into the fantasy that you can be skilled at something without practice in the real world.
Rather you simply accept the fact that you:
- Don’t know what will happen with the girl
- That you don’t like the fact that you don’t know
- That you decide to move forward anyway and let reality tell you what will happen rather than guessing, worrying or speculating.
Acceptance confidence means that you don’t buy into any horror stories or drama around not knowing what will happen. You don’t jump to any conclusions about what will happen either; you let the situation as it plays out inform you, rather than wasting time speculating or guessing.
I hope you can see now that aiming for the wrong kind of confidence can actually get in your way, keep you stuck, and insure that you remain high and dry.
Getting the right kinds of confidence in the right proportion for you is something I look forward to easily teaching you.
P.S. If you really want to learn more about the right kinds of confidence in the right proportions, check out my Nail Your Inner Game Program
